tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75683138193703228612024-02-07T03:49:48.335-08:00Mi VidaThe journey of a Lady in Waiting...Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.comBlogger178125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-45441630348213025782017-12-31T23:37:00.000-08:002017-12-31T23:40:59.540-08:00Guarding Your Heart (Especially During the Holidays)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">
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<br /><br /><br />Recently, I was sitting at dinner with some single friends when one posed the question of, “how are you guarding your heart as we enter the holiday season?” It was a question that I truly had to think about. Singleness is most felt from Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day; as families gather holiday-after-holiday, I am more easily reminded of your lack of a spouse or potential children. Now, with Christmas quickly approaching, I think it is important that we guard our hearts during this holiday in order to focus on the joy of the season.<br /><br /><br />“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Phil 4:6-7 <br /><br /><br />1) Guard your heart by not comparing your singleness to the life of your married friends. Reflect on the things God has allowed you to accomplish during your times of singleness. For me, I’ve been single for 30 years- my entire existence. I have accomplished both bachelor’s and master’s degrees. I have travelled the world serving God and loving on children. I did all those things with God and dear family and friends by my side. While I look forward to achieving much with my future spouse, I can also achieve so much without being married. Maybe, if you’re a single mom, think of the beautiful children that you have raised, the challenges you have overcome and the ways that God has provided for you, even without the additional support from a husband. <br /><br /><br />2) Beware of where holiday movies lead your heart during this season. If you’re like me, I had to take a look at where Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies were taking my thoughts. If I find myself longing to live out a Hallmark movie, I must grab the remote to change the channel and take a moment of reflection to put the movie into a more realistic perspective: Boy and Girl fall in love. It's Christmastime and everything is just snowflakes and butterflies. Boy and Girl fall into a tearful, dramatic argument just 30 minutes before the movie ends - but not to worry, Boy and Girl make up within 10 minutes and run off to get married (Christmas themed, of course) just in time for the movie to end in joyful, romantic song." It is not real life. It can be okay to watch this, but if you are hoping for some crazy romance novel or movie kind of love, take a step back, set a new boundary, and guard your heart and mind. <br /><br /><br />3) Surround yourself with great friends and family. I deal with my single status best when I am not continually reminded of it by others. Last year, I spent New Year’s Eve with all couples and I still had a great time. Hang out with friends that you can have fun with and enjoy this time of year with. Friends that make you laugh and enjoy your company. <br /><br /><br />4) Love others well. In moments where you feel “desperate” for love or companionship, pray, talk to God, then text a friend. Be a friend to someone else. Everyone needs love and encouragement. <br /><br /><br />Lastly, reflect on this season for its true purpose - that God gave His Son for this world. While you may feel a lack of romantic love, you can still love another and be a blessing during this season. While you help bless others, you, in turn, will be blessed and your soul will be refreshed. Good luck, dear sister. You got this!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-48797448998644364182017-02-13T20:52:00.000-08:002017-02-14T00:21:10.734-08:00An Open Letter to My Fellow Single Sisters...Dear My Fellow Single Sisters-<br />
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It’s okay if today is hard because you realize today that you’re more single than ever. To me, it’s just another Tuesday night. I didn’t always feel that way.<br />
But I want you to know that I feel you and I get the difficulties of singleness and I want to apologize to you on behalf of maybe some people who have hurt you. I want to apologize to you because you deserve to be apologized to.<br />
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I am sorry if this holiday has made you more aware of your single status.<br />
I am sorry if you feel you like the last one in your friends group to get married or to even be in a relationship.<br />
I am sorry for the friend or two that might have neglected your friendship because they are now in a relationship.<br />
I am sorry for all the bad dates, you’ve had to go on in hopes of “putting yourself out there”.<br />
For all the times that someone asked you if you tried online dating and they proceed to list every site that they can think of and occasionally throwing in JDate for laughs.<br />
I am sorry for the friendships that ended when someone got married because their life now changed and they feel that you don’t understand or no longer have time.<br />
I am sorry for the church’s whose emphasis has been put on women’s ministries where you felt like the only single person. For the ministries that made you feel less than if you weren’t married or didn’t have children. Or for the church’s that never spoke about singleness or catered to the needs of the single person.<br />
I am sorry for the all the well-intentioned Christian men who might have led you on in friendship or relationship.<br />
I am sorry if you ever felt the need to prove yourself and your value or worth to a man, for the times that you felt you had to go above and beyond to get his attention.<br />
I am sorry if he didn’t reciprocate the feelings but took advantage of the attention you paid him.<br />
I'm also sorry if he never learned how to communicate with you, especially if he is no longer interested.<br />
I am sorry for every time you have heard, “you’ll meet him when you least expect it” or “I can’t wait to meet the person you marry”.<br />
I am sorry for the times that you just have to nod and smile when family or strangers ask, why you’re still single.<br />
I am sorry for the times that you might of masked the difficulty of singleness in satire.<br />
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You know what though, singleness doesn’t have to be lonely. You’ll be okay, you’ll survive this season. It can, if you allow it, be the most joyous season and a season where you learn and grow the most. Every season God takes us through is one of growth, learning, and surrender, grace and love. Sometimes godly love, self-love, and love with a man in relationship and eventually marriage..<br />
So my dear fellow single sister, I applaud you for all that you have had to to endure during singleness. I hope that you embrace this season. I praise you for the strength that you posses to live each day out of your heart and soul status not your relationship status. It’s just another Tuesday, go eat some tacos and watch This Is Us!<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-36806651738810365882017-01-13T00:02:00.001-08:002017-01-13T00:02:40.554-08:00These Are a Few Of My Favorite Things<div style="text-align: center;">
A few weeks ago, my friend encouraged me to create a birthday wish list</div>
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of my favorite things to help give others an idea of things I love.</div>
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Hopefully this list lets you get to know me a little bit better as well.</div>
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I am just so excited to be turning 30! I hear they are the best decade of years!</div>
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So these are a few of my favorite things...</div>
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Sunflowers</div>
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Dark Chocolate</div>
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Trader Joes</div>
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Target</div>
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Twisted Sage</div>
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Bowl of Heaven</div>
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Thai Diamond BBQ Glendora</div>
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Coffee Klatch</div>
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and </div>
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some of these <a href="https://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/2CQOSKR9UL8DE/ref=cm_sw_r_fm_ws_x_RdiEybXF1V5V0" target="_blank">Amazon Goodies</a></div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-70544995991875142552016-11-22T23:14:00.000-08:002016-11-22T23:14:04.183-08:00Celebrate Differently- Connecting to Others Through Prayer<br /><br />Celebrate Differently<br /><br />“Do small things with great love” -Mother Theresa<br /><br />The week of Thanksgiving is always one of my favorite times of the year because it is filled with many service opportunities amongst my church family. This year one of the women from my Growth Group and I (along with her teenage daughter) somehow loaded my car with five boxes of Thanksgiving items, four turkeys, five pies and packages of rolls. It barely fit but we did it and we set out amongst Covina and Glendora. I love serving alongside children and teens because it begins to instill bits of the importance of gratitude and giving back. I didn’t grow up serving alongside my parents, but I learned to love others through their generosity with those they encountered. <br /><br />As we jumped around town, we delivered meals to our first two families. Our third family was a family of eight. I had a sense of angst as we approached this home as each of our hands were filled with boxes and items. We were greeted halfway through the yard by a man who helped up onto their patio. We had small talk, wished them a Happy Thanksgiving, invited them to Christmas Eve services, and then offered to pray. I felt slightly uncomfortable to offer prayer after we invited them to service. I am not sure why, but there was a hesitation I think because I felt a tinge of uncomfortable due to the chaos of the home that surrounded us. We offered prayer and they gave us basic requests for family and health. We prayed.<br /><br />I love prayer because it allows us to come to the Father in humbleness, in thankfulness, and to make our petitions. We petitioned for this family and for their needs. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6) Prayer creates vulnerability with God and each other. It was after our prayers that this family began to open up and share their struggles, hurts, and pains of the family and the past. There we stayed with them for another 30 minutes as we offered encouragement and recommended connection to the church community and services. I am thankful for the opportunity to pray with others in all circumstances and for the way that God connects us to others through prayer. <br /><br />As I reflect upon last night, I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. It is through prayer that we are humbled. Through prayer, we are able to connect with others and can share moments of vulnerability. I love seeing what God does through big faith, generosity, and prayer within our local communities and through our simple obedience.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-42597574221145552712016-11-04T01:02:00.001-07:002016-11-04T01:06:18.372-07:00Honor<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYHgoUUQeHi92scjKzjs_TZQ3qIdDZ0Smcpi7o2BPbcvKW1nE_1j6vTsoOrCUwEjaUA8ZDRCP8xnT09PQeED_QZKfBcNdxLCGaAmQy8PtE26QxW8E_SvB6mMXuTh0rIVJzZ8O8lVhnj24/s1600/honor.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYHgoUUQeHi92scjKzjs_TZQ3qIdDZ0Smcpi7o2BPbcvKW1nE_1j6vTsoOrCUwEjaUA8ZDRCP8xnT09PQeED_QZKfBcNdxLCGaAmQy8PtE26QxW8E_SvB6mMXuTh0rIVJzZ8O8lVhnj24/s200/honor.jpg" /></a><br />
Honor<br />
<br /><br /><br /><br />The past few weeks my church has been going a series on the Ten Commandments. I had missed church the previous weekend as I was preparing for a small speaking engagement with the financial firm, and so I couldn’t recall which commandment we were on. As I walked up the stairs into the auditorium of the church, I read the list of commandments from where we had last left off and I was halted in my steps as I read: <b><i>“Honor Your Mother and Father”</i></b>. <br /><br /><br />I believe that this has been one of the hardest commandments that I have struggled with keeping for awhile. My heart sank into my stomach as I prepared to hear the sermon. <br /><br />A basic synopsis of my childhood from two other posts: <br /><br />“Most people who have met me or have seen me live life would never know that I have experienced some traumatic verbal and emotional abuse for most of my life. Heartbreaking neglect and hurtful and harsh words thrown at me from my parents, the people that are suppose to love and accept me most. For the longest time, I held it in. I surrounded myself in busyness and burying this deep heartache and pain because no one could know. It was the lie I believed. I felt unloved and unlovable.”<br /><br />“Life hasn't been easy or difficult, I have had some very low moments in my childhood and adulthood and some amazing joyous moments. Truth of the matter is, I once was a daddy's girl. At some point things change and my relationship with my dad changed. But I couldn't take the deep emotional hurt or verbal abuse. Truthfully, it doesn't matter what his addictions or pains are, it is my baggage that had to be dealt with, sorted through, conquered, and left at the feet of the Cross. Not every day is easy, but each new day is better as I strive to find forgiveness and healing. Through therapy I began to see my dad for who he is, not who I wished he was. I began to see him as a lost, hurting, and broken boy. I began to let go of the titles, pressure, hurts, and bitterness. God has redeemed me and brought a lot of healing and restoration.”<br /><br />If you would like here are a few other posts of the back story (or feel free to explore my whole blog later):<br /><br /><a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-little-boy-in-distance.html">The Broken Boy</a><br /><br /><a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/08/letting-go-of-hope-and-titles.html">Titles</a><br /><br /><a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-thanksgiving-plea.html">A Thanksgiving Plea</a><br /><br /><a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/12/symbolism-of-40.html">Symbolism of 40</a><br /><br />Briefly glancing over those posts brings up such raw emotions as I linked them just now. <br /><br />As difficult as it was to sit in the service, it spoke such truth to my heart. The pastor shared that “children are like an arrow- held, pointed in the right direction, pulled back, and then released. Released into the right direction”. <br /><br />Despite my difficult and emotionally painful childhood, I still have to honor my parents like I honor God. I have learned over the years that I must serve and honor my parents like I serve and honor God. I’ve learned that the closer I grow to God, the further I was from my parents but that the closer I grew to God, the more that grace and love for them grew. <br /><br /><br />The thing that most spoke to my soul from the pastor was that he spoke about how sometimes honoring your parents is about creating space with them. That was myself with my family over the past two years since moving out. Space created healthy boundaries for me. Therapy created ways for me to process through my past and find ways to be tolerant of the words that were spoken to me. Therapy allowed me to not hold thoughts of my parents hostage because when I do hold them hostage and place blame, it truly holds me in with bitterness. God’s love broke down many emotional barriers for me. <br /><br />The pastor then said, “that it should break your heart to have to obey God when it in turn disobeys your parents.” This described so much of my turmoil amidst our relationship. My choice to move to Haiti or go on mission trips, my choice to move out, my choice to work in the nonprofit sector. God had led me to so many amazing opportunities and sometimes they didn’t meet my parent’s will for my life but it met God’s perfect will. When my will and God’s will align it is a beautiful thing of peace. <br /><br />Although there were times, places, and spaces where I felt empty or broken or unfulfilled, God filled in the gaps and He made a way for me. <br /><br />As I was recently making an upcoming list for a party, I was dumbfounded by the amount of people I had on the list who have impacted my life. I don’t say that to sound conceited or popular, it’s quite opposite actually. God has first and foremost filled me and comforted me with His presence over the years. But secondly, He has brought so many people in my life that also filled gaps that I needed. From friends, to other families who have invited me over for Thanksgiving meals, Christmas dinners, Easter and other important times- when I struggled being apart of my family, so many other families came by my side and welcomed me into theirs. <br /><br />I think one of my greatest prayers has been for my future husband’s family to include me into their family like their own (like I’ve maybe been a missing piece and the perfect fit for their son), to even potentially call me daughter as well. I am thankful for the healing and restoration that God had done through me because of surrender and through a therapy chair in the past. Life with my parents has not been easy, but I am thankful for the honor I wish to still bring them and the respect I have as appropriate boundaries and space were created in my adulthood. I am excited for my future family and to hopefully impart wisdom on those who struggle through similar family circumstances. The conversations aren’t always easy but let me know if you want to chat. <br /><br /><br /><b>Dear Lord, please continue to give my vision to see things like you do and to see family through a filter of love, honor, and respect and offer grace continually.</b> <br /><br />You can listen to the sermon <a href="http://madeforfellowship.com/sermons/i-give-grace/">here</a>. Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-41415294015522275142016-10-21T22:57:00.004-07:002016-10-21T23:15:21.669-07:00Date Night<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivuLRSKzTqyMDwayDqg1XzsxYYInriexT1bCMGRs68AmZ_AX8IrDIVaBsT7BOgqQbE_w05x8jdHYUOzYs_9MYstN6wT9h5wc-ax5NN6EEBYKazNe5YJtI2Cn3ctFdvKKJqtfXT1qowEbI/s1600/IMG_0846.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivuLRSKzTqyMDwayDqg1XzsxYYInriexT1bCMGRs68AmZ_AX8IrDIVaBsT7BOgqQbE_w05x8jdHYUOzYs_9MYstN6wT9h5wc-ax5NN6EEBYKazNe5YJtI2Cn3ctFdvKKJqtfXT1qowEbI/s320/IMG_0846.JPG" width="180" /></a><br />
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Last night I found myself in Fullerton for the evening. I was helping out a friend by pet sitting overnight and had no plans. If you know me, not having something going on is a rarity. My heart felt a tug to catch up on rest and to spend time with Jesus. Yet I still felt a sense of loneliness and wanting to be surrounded by laughter and people’s company. I began texting friends, seeing if anyone was free and would be in the area. Like the sound of bird chirping (my text tone), no, no, no, kept resounding over. It isn’t often that I find myself in Fullerton but one of my favorite restaurants is in Fullerton and Orange. I had a great day at the office yesterday as well as a successful month and it begged for a bit of celebration. As my heart felt a sense of solitude, I prayed. I debated even going out at all, but then I thought why not celebrate with God. Take myself on a date and enjoy this time.<br /><br /><br />I feel good in my current state of singleness, but there are moments where my heart is pinged with the sting of loneliness. The thoughts of what relationship and married life could be like; those feelings of sorrow don’t come up that often but when they do I find myself stuck in my head and seeking God to get me out. I needed a sense of courage to go out alone, but I sensed God calling me into deeper love and relationship with Him for the evening. I recently heard that the opposite of courage isn’t fear, but it’s self-preservation. I wanted to preserve my time and be surrounded by company. But even though I know I am chosen by God, I don’t live as such. I would rather live in the quietness of home and embrace my singleness in private than outwardly in public. I am continually learning that my identity is in God, not in the company of others. As important and significant as community is, I (sometimes) place more value in living in community with others, than living and communing with God. <br /><br /><br /><br /> I left and set out. I haven’t been to this restaurant since December and I was so excited. As I wandered around the restaurant (seat yourself), the only table I could find open was right near the front door. A small round table for three, there I sat, facing the front door. Each person who entered and left the restaurant could see me there. Sitting alone. I surveyed the menu, ordered a glass of wine and appetizer and my meal. I pulled out a book and began reading. I’m reading Bianca Olthoff’s “Playing with Fire: Discovering Fierce Faith, Unquenchable Passion, and a Life-Giving God”. In the few chapters I read sitting there at dinner, I felt God drawing me closer. I gleaned to the words Bianca wrote, finding correlations to my own life. <br /><br /><br /><br /> More and more I find myself listening to that still small voice, simply obeying and God allowing blessing to flow through me unto others in ways I didn’t expect. That’s a post for another day, but today God has been calling me to be still and to become more and more on fire for Him. Treat yourself out to a night with you and your Creator where you can enjoy the stillness, listen for His still small voice, and enjoy the company of yourself and His presence. Make the most of the time you have, and if you don't have time... then make time because He desires our presence and calls us to find Sabbath margin. Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-83493355090968424632016-07-19T23:19:00.003-07:002016-10-21T23:15:37.191-07:00Love Out Loud<br />
Love Out Loud<br />
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I remember being a sophomore in college when I discovered my life verse, “Little children, let us love not with words and speech, but in truth and action.” I often hung out in the Student Success offices because I was a commuter and had made friends with the alpha leaders and staff there; it was one one of the computers that I read this verse for the first time and a deep peace resonated within my heart and soul. It was in college that I truly began living out my faith and was brought to do things that I never imagined: changing my major, moving to the East Coast for a few months for a couple summers to serve in a community and culture unlike the one I grew up in. The verse stuck with me and then while I was living in Haiti for three months, it took newer and deeper meaning of God’s love not only for me, but for the sweet orphans that I spent my days with. I could tell these sweet children that I loved them, but to them the words were empty like many other promises that were often broken in their lives. To truly care for these children, I needed to not just love them through kisses and hugs, but to help to provide for their daily and basic needs; water, shelter, and food. <br />
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<a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/10/love-does-humbleness.html">Love is a crazy thing</a> and it allows you to do crazy things out of our overflowing love from Christ. My prayer has always been that God’s love would be pour out to others through my actions. I think this world needs this same love now more than it ever has. So what can we do, what is our call to action. <br />
<br />
<br />
Ten years later, I work in Student Success and my colleague and I were dialoguing about how can we support local law enforcement and police officers. There was a tragic car accident last night and so he encouraged people to support them, “We need to rise up and let our boys in blue know how much we appreciate and value them. Text or call your law enforcement and first responder friends, let them know.” I was so challenged and convicted by this statement and our conversation. Sometimes if we don’t act upon a moment of motivation, it passes and dies and nothing is accomplished. I was reminded of the tattoo of 1 John 3:18 on my wrist. How do I embody His love? As I was getting ready for bed, a burst of energy came over and I got to the kitchen. I made chocolate covered oreos with cookie butter drizzle and then my heath brownies with honey roasted almonds. I had a late start for work and knew that I need to utilize my few free hours in the morning. There is so much negativity floating around our society today and I was filled with such joy as I dropped off those two different goodies for two different law enforcement offices. They didn’t know my name, I didn’t write a card… I simply passed the items off to another office and whispered my thanks and gratitude for all they do. Police and Fire Departments has come to my rescue throughout my life as my dad worked for public service/government and we’ve been put in unfortunate circumstances, so for me personally I have such gratitude for these men and women who love their community and risk their lives. <br />
<br />
How often am I thankful or appreciative of something but fail to actually express said feelings? How often am I embodying God’s love and serving others? My challenge is for you, for us to display our love more through our actions. Through that simple hello and smile to a stranger, to that coworker who needs encouragement, or to that homeless man or person who is hurting. Paying for that strangers meal or Starbucks behind you in the drive through, or for just acknowledging someone’s existence or helping to provide for their basic needs. So friends, let us Love Out Loud!!!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-21545337044393185182016-07-19T23:19:00.002-07:002016-10-21T22:58:28.956-07:00Love Out Loud<br />
Love Out Loud<br />
<br />
I remember being a sophomore in college when I discovered my life verse, “Little children, let us love not with words and speech, but in truth and action.” I often hung out in the Student Success offices because I was a commuter and had made friends with the alpha leaders and staff there; it was one one of the computers that I read this verse for the first time and a deep peace resonated within my heart and soul. It was in college that I truly began living out my faith and was brought to do things that I never imagined: changing my major, moving to the East Coast for a few months for a couple summers to serve in a community and culture unlike the one I grew up in. The verse stuck with me and then while I was living in Haiti for three months, it took newer and deeper meaning of God’s love not only for me, but for the sweet orphans that I spent my days with. I could tell these sweet children that I loved them, but to them the words were empty like many other promises that were often broken in their lives. To truly care for these children, I needed to not just love them through kisses and hugs, but to help to provide for their daily and basic needs; water, shelter, and food. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/10/love-does-humbleness.html">Love is a crazy thing</a> and it allows you to do crazy things out of our overflowing love from Christ. My prayer has always been that God’s love would be pour out to others through my actions. I think this world needs this same love now more than it ever has. So what can we do, what is our call to action. <br />
<br />
<br />
Ten years later, I work in Student Success and my colleague and I were dialoguing about how can we support local law enforcement and police officers. There was a tragic car accident last night and so he encouraged people to support them, “We need to rise up and let our boys in blue know how much we appreciate and value them. Text or call your law enforcement and first responder friends, let them know.” I was so challenged and convicted by this statement and our conversation. Sometimes if we don’t act upon a moment of motivation, it passes and dies and nothing is accomplished. I was reminded of the tattoo of 1 John 3:18 on my wrist. How do I embody His love? As I was getting ready for bed, a burst of energy came over and I got to the kitchen. I made chocolate covered oreos with cookie butter drizzle and then my heath brownies with honey roasted almonds. I had a late start for work and knew that I need to utilize my few free hours in the morning. There is so much negativity floating around our society today and I was filled with such joy as I dropped off those two different goodies for two different law enforcement offices. They didn’t know my name, I didn’t write a card… I simply passed the items off to another office and whispered my thanks and gratitude for all they do. Police and Fire Departments has come to my rescue throughout my life as my dad worked for public service/government and we’ve been put in unfortunate circumstances, so for me personally I have such gratitude for these men and women who love their community and risk their lives. <br />
<br />
How often am I thankful or appreciative of something but fail to actually express said feelings? How often am I embodying God’s love and serving others? My challenge is for you, for us to display our love more through our actions. Through that simple hello and smile to a stranger, to that coworker who needs encouragement, or to that homeless man or person who is hurting. Paying for that strangers meal or Starbucks behind you in the drive through, or for just acknowledging someone’s existence or helping to provide for their basic needs. So friends, let us Love Out Loud!!!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-44880974436477435702016-07-19T23:19:00.001-07:002016-07-19T23:21:29.279-07:00Love Out Loud<br />
Love Out Loud<br />
<br />
I remember being a sophomore in college when I discovered my life verse, “Little children, let us love not with words and speech, but in truth and action.” I often hung out in the Student Success offices because I was a commuter and had made friends with the alpha leaders and staff there; it was one one of the computers that I read this verse for the first time and a deep peace resonated within my heart and soul. It was in college that I truly began living out my faith and was brought to do things that I never imagined: changing my major, moving to the East Coast for a few months for a couple summers to serve in a community and culture unlike the one I grew up in. The verse stuck with me and then while I was living in Haiti for three months, it took newer and deeper meaning of God’s love not only for me, but for the sweet orphans that I spent my days with. I could tell these sweet children that I loved them, but to them the words were empty like many other promises that were often broken in their lives. To truly care for these children, I needed to not just love them through kisses and hugs, but to help to provide for their daily and basic needs; water, shelter, and food. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/10/love-does-humbleness.html">Love is a crazy thing</a> and it allows you to do crazy things out of our overflowing love from Christ. My prayer has always been that God’s love would be pour out to others through my actions. I think this world needs this same love now more than it ever has. So what can we do, what is our call to action. <br />
<br />
<br />
Ten years later, I work in Student Success and my colleague and I were dialoguing about how can we support local law enforcement and police officers. There was a tragic car accident last night and so he encouraged people to support them, “We need to rise up and let our boys in blue know how much we appreciate and value them. Text or call your law enforcement and first responder friends, let them know.” I was so challenged and convicted by this statement and our conversation. Sometimes if we don’t act upon a moment of motivation, it passes and dies and nothing is accomplished. I was reminded of the tattoo of 1 John 3:18 on my wrist. How do I embody His love? As I was getting ready for bed, a burst of energy came over and I got to the kitchen. I made chocolate covered oreos with cookie butter drizzle and then my heath brownies with honey roasted almonds. I had a late start for work and knew that I need to utilize my few free hours in the morning. There is so much negativity floating around our society today and I was filled with such joy as I dropped off those two different goodies for two different law enforcement offices. They didn’t know my name, I didn’t write a card… I simply passed the items off to another office and whispered my thanks and gratitude for all they do. Police and Fire Departments has come to my rescue throughout my life as my dad worked for public service/government and we’ve been put in unfortunate circumstances, so for me personally I have such gratitude for these men and women who love their community and risk their lives. <br />
<br />
How often am I thankful or appreciative of something but fail to actually express said feelings? How often am I embodying God’s love and serving others? My challenge is for you, for us to display our love more through our actions. Through that simple hello and smile to a stranger, to that coworker who needs encouragement, or to that homeless man or person who is hurting. Paying for that strangers meal or Starbucks behind you in the drive through, or for just acknowledging someone’s existence or helping to provide for their basic needs. So friends, let us Love Out Loud!!!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-5878451467266843842016-04-17T00:25:00.004-07:002016-04-17T00:36:38.426-07:00ABIDE in Me<u>Abide in Me</u><br />
John 15<br />
<br />
“<i><b>Abide </b></i>in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit [c]of itself unless it <i><b>abides </b></i>in the vine, so neither can you unless you <i><b>abide </b></i>in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who <i><b>abides </b></i>in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not <i><b>abide </b></i>in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you <i><b>abide </b></i>in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so [d]prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; <i><b>abide </b></i>in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will <i><b>abide </b></i>in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and <i><b>abide </b></i>in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” -John 15:4-11<br />
<br />
<b>What does it mean to abide? </b><br />
Loosely translated to me it means to allow love, goodness, and fruitfulness to flow through the the vine that is Christ. That flowing and connection can produce much fruit and goodness.<br />
<br />
<b>Abiding contains three parts:<i> Connection, Dependence, and Residence</i></b><br />
1) Connection- connected in salvation, acceptance and baptism. We are connected through the Holy Spirit. I can stay connected by spending time with Him, through prayer and His Word. Our connection is cyclical in that we abide in him and he abides in us.<br />
2) Dependence- True connection of the vine provides sustenance and life. We rely on the vine (God) for life. We are completely dependent on Him for spiritual fruit. He can survive without us, but as the branch we cannot live without being connected to the vine. For us to bear fruit, we must be completely reliant on the vine. The branches do not produce fruit if they are disconnected from the source (the vine).<br />
3) Reside/Stay- To abide means to stay, to reside in His presence not temporarily but permanently. Our relationship with Christ is not simply a one-time fling, but a life long relationship. It is a marriage of love and sacrifice. God sacrificed because of His love. We aren't simply visiting His presence, He beckons us to stay awhile, in fact He asks us to stay a lifetime until we are forever home with Him..<br />
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As life becomes monotonous and we go through the motions, He beckons us closer. As the seasons come and go and change, He calls us to stay close because He will help us weather the storm. He simply asks for me to abide because He makes a way.<br />
<br />
He made a way indeed these past twelve weeks. Over the past four months, God has revealed so much to me and my word of the year has been abide. In what felt like a spiritual drought for myself a few months ago, God led me into deeper communion with Him. He taught me what it means to abide in Him.<br />
<br />
When I first took my job as a buyer in Claremont for a transportation logistics company it was not something I ever saw as permanent. There were hopes of growth but there was continuous management change in my department. I oversaw large accounts and built great relationships within the network, but I don't think I could ever reach my full potential. My strengths could not be utilize or flourish in the way that I believe that they were meant to. So I began seeking and praying to God and began applying for jobs.<br />
<br />
As previously mentioned, I felt like there was a lack of spiritual growth in my life during this season and I was challenged to abide in His word. I went to visit a church down in San Diego, and the pastor challenged us to get into the book of John. Each day he challenged us to read one chapter, I like to call it my own 21 day fix. I obliged in the reading because I needed something to draw me closer in my quiet time again, and John 15 stood out to me more so than it ever had. As I completed the 21 days, I went to a women’s conference and a chapter they focused on was John 15 again.<br />
<br />
I had been unhappy in my career for sometime and was absent in my own relationship with Christ at times, but I started just digging deeply into His word and prayerfully seeking what to do next.<br />
In December, I spent many long nights after work updating my resume and cover letters and applying to jobs all over. The process alone of juggling two jobs (corporate and then part time as a financial advisor) and then emotionally and mentally applying left and right is quite exhausting. Well, mid-January I received a call. I had a phone interview and then another in person a week later on my birthday (I gave up social media right before to eliminate distraction and truly seek what He was going to do next). Four more interviews later, I received an offer. In the process of about 6 weeks, I was first overcome with anxiousness and then so much peace. I believe peace is the precursor to joy.<br />
The offer financially was not what I wanted, but the offer for new life was. You see I had just received a 15% raise. The job transition was not only in a completely different field, but taking my new raise into consideration, it was almost a $10,000 pay cut. Yet, I felt peace. God was going to do big things through me. He calls me not only to abide in Him daily, but to allow my finances to abide. He calls me to trust in Him.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful for the support system that God has surrounded me with… an amazing small group who prayed and encouraged, a peaceful home filled with two very wise and Christ-seeking women, and a handful of prayerful best friends/mentors who gave me references and provided guidance and blankets of prayer. God had been blessing me in more ways than I knew. When I took on the second job (one year in June), I knew I was skilled as I continued learning and growing in the financial industry. My desire for that job has always been to pay off debt and save more money. I had no idea how God will bless me in this new work field as He gave me new friends (some of which whom I now spend all my time with), but also that I had a talent in financially helping and teaching others. I was just awarded as one of the Top Ten advisors in our office over the past four months. My pace of clientele will not only make up the difference but provide so much more than I ever thought.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIWdH8sj4mYfKepddaPFe5OQO_pM6EiabAi0DNngX_rVy70iURFA3qy4O55FGMCFN4qNgP7VC_R2gGLPw1JwghjuxrMtfsjvzEU2M2eVZIH-9jokMd0IyUqSnBwsMcWtiQXCZo1HSDHNc/s1600/beach.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIWdH8sj4mYfKepddaPFe5OQO_pM6EiabAi0DNngX_rVy70iURFA3qy4O55FGMCFN4qNgP7VC_R2gGLPw1JwghjuxrMtfsjvzEU2M2eVZIH-9jokMd0IyUqSnBwsMcWtiQXCZo1HSDHNc/s200/beach.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Visiting my favorite spot,<br />Praising God!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So after just over two years in the corporate arena on February 19th, I gave me two weeks notice, cashed out my vacation time and took a week off.<b> Now as I end this twelve week social media fast, I am already embarking on my sixth week as a Success Coach with Azusa Pacific University’s University College.</b> It has been a dream of mine for over seven years to go back and start my career with APU. It has been a dream that I have long held onto and God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. <br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">First Day (back) at APU</td></tr>
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With the pay decrease and job transition, I have saved more money and been blessed financially and spiritually more than I could have ever imagined. God is fulfilling these dreams that I had once whispered to Him in prayer. Another thing that God has been doing is calling me to a new ministry, Leadership USA for Girls. That is not the name but gives you a general idea. A few years ago, I remember hearing about this boy’s leadership camp in Australia and how they were raising young boys/teens into becoming men of God as they prepare to enter adulthood. I asked God, where is the girls’/women’s version of that? It was a simple question and prayer that I quickly let go over because I could have never imagined going to Australia with the time off I had in the corporate arena. Well, God had been working something within my heart over the past six months as I stepped back with several ministries as I was trying to figure out what God wanted me to do next. As I was in a coffee house back in February (one which I rarely go to) I ran into an acquaintance who was meeting with someone about the men’s leadership camp in Australia. I began telling them about how I was leaving my corporate job and they began telling me that there is a girl’s version of the camp in Australia and they then invited me to go. I was shocked and confused and overwhelmed. What? God, are you serious? I began praying. I honestly was quite taken back and overwhelmed by the idea… it was terrifying? And I had so many questions… but I know God had been calling me to something that I didn’t know what that was or when? I have always had a heart for mentoring young women/teens. Less than a week later, I happened to accompany a co-worker to get coffee and there were those two gentlemen again. They had already told me that they had talked to the women’s leadership team about me and that I had to go. Well, long story short… last week I had the time off approved for September. I’ll be taking two weeks off (thanks APU for giving me six weeks of vacation a year!!!) and just purchased my plane ticket to Australia last week (thanks God again for blessing me with a second job I love that provides). Holy Moly God, this is amazing.<br />
<br />
If you have made it this far, I thank you sincerely for reading. You may now pass GO and collect $200. Just kidding. But on a serious note, I hope this encourages you to abide in Him and ask yourself what He is calling you too. No dream is too small. Eliminate distractions and get into His Word if you feel distant and surround yourself with an amazing support system of those who love you, encourage you and lift you up in prayer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPevrjMPRZYwhJzE5U8IZDPnDCDNwiHkCseMotzYngZP4w0_oMyyNm3wKFsqbVj5aXiVHx2You4LsR3YAhryADqETU0nl25lPMHG4s437sp48cM3PtJ8NM6rcIJhxxKpGTLMjs8H36G9c/s1600/joy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPevrjMPRZYwhJzE5U8IZDPnDCDNwiHkCseMotzYngZP4w0_oMyyNm3wKFsqbVj5aXiVHx2You4LsR3YAhryADqETU0nl25lPMHG4s437sp48cM3PtJ8NM6rcIJhxxKpGTLMjs8H36G9c/s320/joy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Now go out and find and achieve those God-sized dreams...<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ycJGbvmvj3U" width="560"></iframe>Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-62206256320153890982016-03-06T10:07:00.001-08:002016-03-06T10:41:03.786-08:00Dedicated to the Lord<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dedicated to the Lord</span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b id="docs-internal-guid-44faa0a9-4d10-8558-1f58-caea32bdf964" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Last night at church they had baby dedications during the service. It was so beautiful to see parents committing their children to the Lord. The Pastor talked about the story of Hannah and how she prayed and prayed for a child and that if she was given one that she would dedicate him completely to the Lord.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He answered her prayer and she gave birth to a son, whom she named Samuel. When Samuel was born, Hannah prayed these words:</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord." </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-1 Samuel 1:27-28</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then is Luke 2, we also see that when Jesus was born that he was dedicated to the Lord. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="line-height: 1.38;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The pastor talked about how one of these babies could be a pastor, a teacher, a firefighter, or someone who changes the world. It was beautiful thing.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 1.38;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 20.24px; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you are a parent and believer of Christ, are you truly prepared for where God will guide your child? He could call them to Haiti or Peru, maybe both, to a life of corporate world, maybe to life as a stay at home parent, or singleness, maybe even to being a receptionist or construction worker. When we commit our children (future for me) to the Lord, can we truly release them into God's safety and love? Do we realize the commitment being professed in that? </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; line-height: 20.24px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was once dedicated to the Lord, actually baptized in small Lutheran church by tradition. My parents and godparents stood before the church and dedicated me to the Lord. I am sure my parents had the best of intentions for my life.</span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But my life hasn’t turned out the way that they wanted it, my life has been marked by truly following the Lord because God has truly captured my heart and I have sought to follow where He guides. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After church tonight I was once again reminded that the path of following God can often times be marked with human heartbreak and disappointment. I offered to take my parents to dinner, I had big news for them. My mom offered to make dinner, a family dish that I had been craving. It was a kind offering. I was extremely nervous and excited to share my news with them. To her sadness, I was not announcing I was in a relationship and had a boyfriend. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I arrived at their home after church and my dad was not home, he decided to go watch the fight at a local restaurant. So I told my mom the big news, I had left my corporate job and had gotten a dream job. For about 8 years I have desired to be on staff at my alma mater, a private Christian university. Application after application and a few interviews over the years had led to no success, but something in my heart new that one day I would go back. After I completed grad school, I knew that God had something bigger for my life than the corporate environment.</span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well, once telling my mom the news she then bombarded me with questions about my income and what I would be making. I kindly told her that it did not matter and that I was happy and that it really was not her business. I told her I am okay and the benefits are great. She confessed that their investment in helping paying for my education was not paying out for them as they are still paying off some of my student debt. I am paying off that debt still as well. She told me that they had dreams of me making $70-100k a year and to help them their own debts. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As much as I knew a conversation like this would happen, my heart still felt disappointment. I had known that I would need to separate myself from the outcome of the conversation because I cannot control their reaction, even if I understood it. Yet once again I felt that I had not measured up for them. I spent two years working in a corporate environment and as much as I loved the people I worked with, I did not love the demand or stress, some of the constant management changes within my department. My department was moving towards a more commission based environment, highly focused on sales, and highly competitive. All things that are not who I am. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that the path God has me on is the correct one, that my decision to follow Him into this new field will be blessed. While it makes the understanding and decision easier, the human feeling of failure in my parents’ eyes is not easy. I fought back tears as I ate dinner and left shortly thereafter. My mom hugged me goodbye and congratulated me, but it didn’t feel sincere. I know that there intentions and hopes for me, are the hopes of most parents have for their children; hopes and dreams for success. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">During that encounter my small group had sent this unknowingly:</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnjweOTZkC8hOjWL_bS6PsSoGKxpcCUU6d5BPELlblCq53iKERgNclSYJTcQvj3Oty6pBf7T33A2agJBrX-Eubke9R88xDDbfufr3FwYOhZbVgumnnmmO1ihQR0rfMvj5gFkHOaJHRTHg/s1600/IMG_81431.png" imageanchor="1"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnjweOTZkC8hOjWL_bS6PsSoGKxpcCUU6d5BPELlblCq53iKERgNclSYJTcQvj3Oty6pBf7T33A2agJBrX-Eubke9R88xDDbfufr3FwYOhZbVgumnnmmO1ihQR0rfMvj5gFkHOaJHRTHg/s320/IMG_81431.png" width="250" /></span></a></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was what I needed to see in that moment after. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It wasn’t until I text my small group what had happened and asked for them to pray for me, that hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot. They encouraged and supported me. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“God IS for you. That’s all the matters.”</span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Follow where God is calling you and you will be blessed.”</span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“You can’t worry about pleasing others. As harsh as it sounds, that includes your parents. God has a plan for you and this job is a step in that direction.” </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“All things work together… Remember that. It’s hard when parents don’t see eye to eye with us, but keep your eyes on Him.”</span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One of the women continually reminds me that I am </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (Proverbs 31:25)</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I called one of my best friends and mentors and lamented the story with her. She has been a huge support system for me over the few years of our friendship and she knows my parents behavior well. She just said, “I don’t understand your parents.” I don’t as well, but I am so thankful the encouraging women and church friends that I am continually supported and surrounded by. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cccccc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So all I can continue doing is praying for them, praying to continue staying on the path, and knowing that this journey will make me better parent when that day comes. I ask that you pray for them too. </span></div>
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</span><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> -Deuteronomy 6: 5-9</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9dcy3mbmUEdYKew2urvXyEjVUZ6ggMOawSdEVhCZW2nEvz7386x-r1Zz848kjJJo7n3Z1ld6ZK_PPGtmm3dLmviOOsJqwFsUggecB9HMNsJg8s21zIhSEWNm-75E9C5HijCTj_7KgG4/s1600/IMG_8750.JPG" imageanchor="1"><span style="color: #cccccc;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9dcy3mbmUEdYKew2urvXyEjVUZ6ggMOawSdEVhCZW2nEvz7386x-r1Zz848kjJJo7n3Z1ld6ZK_PPGtmm3dLmviOOsJqwFsUggecB9HMNsJg8s21zIhSEWNm-75E9C5HijCTj_7KgG4/s320/IMG_8750.JPG" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<br />Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-2929851665332160732015-04-09T22:13:00.001-07:002015-04-09T22:13:12.428-07:00The Four F Words At The Cross<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The Four F Words At
the Cross<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHjkM4NoXLIOZ-AqD_mINzreOOUfe5dBmDEkRAeii0DLpLL3utX4_tbayQi6TTFgC1zL3quvsaPx-CbFz1Q8OK-vD8JE2DkdYRVcLj196mjajTLM-heOTUy6lsnyCZWUNUtxkzUOgDfNg/s1600/final+words.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHjkM4NoXLIOZ-AqD_mINzreOOUfe5dBmDEkRAeii0DLpLL3utX4_tbayQi6TTFgC1zL3quvsaPx-CbFz1Q8OK-vD8JE2DkdYRVcLj196mjajTLM-heOTUy6lsnyCZWUNUtxkzUOgDfNg/s1600/final+words.jpg" height="226" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There He hung upon the Cross, nailed there, stretched out
and in pain and he whispered these four “f-words”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Forgiveness<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“And Jesus said,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” –Luke 23:24<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1) In the midst of pain and suffering, Jesus didn’t point
towards someone else in blame. He asked for forgiveness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How often do we point to someone else in forgiveness and
love. Growing up, as the eldest, I remember whenever I got in trouble that I
would immediately find a reason to point things back to my younger brother. If
it was, “Jennifer why didn’t you clean you room”… it was, well… John (my
brother) did this, this, and that. Twenty years later and I continue to still
point towards my brother and he isn’t living on this same continent currently. Last
week I showed my dad my two new Christian tattoos and he was surprised and gave
me a slight lecture. What did I do? Immediately throw my brother under the bus
and tell my dad how the tattoo my brother wants to get is so much worse. Sad
but true. My parents always told me that for every finger that I point, that
there were three more pointing back at me. Yet amidst pressure, pain and
extreme circumstances, Christ points towards others in forgiveness rather than
in blame. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was suffering and thought outwardly of others in
forgiveness. This is so not our generation; we tend to be the generation of me
and I. As He bleeds out, lashing wounds with clotted blood from our mistakes, betrayal
and dishonesty, He wants us forgiven by God. I pray I can learn to offer
forgiveness to others amidst extreme pain and sorrow. I pray I can take
responsibility and stop placing blame.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Family<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“When Jesus saw his
mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her,
“Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From
that time on, this disciple took her into his home.” -John 19:26-27<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2) Jesus had Family on His mind before He left us. He calls
us to be brothers and sisters, but also to take care of one another. It doesn’t
matter what your family is like. You might be thinking, “well, you don’t know
my family.” Well, it doesn’t matter. Christ died so that we can offer grace and
kindness to all people, including our family.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It reminds me of the newest song by NeedToBreathe: “Brother,
let me be your shelter, never leave you all alone. I can be the one you call. Brother
let me be your fortress .” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His grace is so wide that His love wasn’t just for the
orphan or for the widow, but for family. When I was going through therapy I came
to the realized that I was praising my Father, while forsaking and not offering
love and grace to my own earthly family, despite the hurt, pain, and past. God’s
grace is so sufficient that if it can accept me, then certainly it can help me
to find ways to show my family love and grace. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Forsaken<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“And at three in the
afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lema
sabachthani?" (which means "My God, my God, why have you forsaken
me?" –Mark 15:34<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
3) Jesus saw betrayal at the Cross, not simply by the Jews
but He was forsaken by His own Father. He was abandon by His own Father for you
and for me. God gave up His one and only Son for me and for my betterment.
Jesus was fully human, as much as He was God. He experienced the physical and
emotional pain of being rejected, abandoned… He felt forsaken. That feeling of
abandonment hits home for me because for so many years I felt forsaken by my
family as I was the odd person out, as I was twas emotionally and verbally
abused. I was so disconnected from my family, especially as I clung to my
relationship with God. The closer I grew to God, the further I grew to away
from my family as I tried to align my life with God’s will. However, through me
clinging to God and moving further from my family it allowed me to offer grace
and kindness like never before. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also think of that sacrificial love (hesed: loving-kindness
in Hebrew) that was displayed from God’s perspective. A few weeks ago I went to
a baby’s funeral whom had moved onto life with Jesus after such a short time on
this Earth. I am not yet a mother, but I felt the depth of loss of the child,
but even more so for my friends as they grieved. I have waited so long to be
married, and then hope to eventually children… the thought of losing my only
child pains my heart deeply. That child, no matter how old is still half of
you. There is beauty in the birth of child and then such sorrow and yet peace
as they reunite with God as His forever child. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It reminds me that Christ went through anything and
everything that I could ever experience. I believe it is our human and sinful
nature that at some point we fill loneliness. Those moments when we are sitting
along in a room, after a breakup or in the moments where we can barely find the
energy to get ourselves off the floor, He had to lift His weary head up to heaven
and see that His Father forsake Him. He experience true loneliness and abandonment.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Finished<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfuqaXCfyaGvCAN_UgC0MCzep8xFmiDW-3EoammQtcD_DYKYFYmILtoNneOd5vb0TxNow6PsWA2CFlvzwatNCq4oMwZNV0x-Euo2Jmal2p6AFJfjZn0kprlT5_d09nGo9dOrz-QxLoSIw/s1600/it+is+finished.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfuqaXCfyaGvCAN_UgC0MCzep8xFmiDW-3EoammQtcD_DYKYFYmILtoNneOd5vb0TxNow6PsWA2CFlvzwatNCq4oMwZNV0x-Euo2Jmal2p6AFJfjZn0kprlT5_d09nGo9dOrz-QxLoSIw/s1600/it+is+finished.jpg" height="260" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“When he had received
the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head
and gave up his spirit.” –John 19:30<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
4) It is Finished. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If it is finished, why are we still fighting like He didn’t
complete it? We live life as if what Christ did wasn’t enough. How often do we
find ourselves looking for another way to Him or to Christianity? There was
only one way to God and that was through His Son. How funny is our human nature, that we should
know that there is only way… yet we are still searching for another way. Let’s
say that we even had two ways to God, I am sure we’d ask for a third option. We
are restless, yet it is finished.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His Spirit commended to the heavens and three days later He
rose again. But although He said it is finished, there is responsibility on our
part. We have to accept Christ and ask for His Spirit so that the work will
indeed be done and finished through Him. We need to jump in to experience the
fountain of Christ’s love and redemption. Even after it is finished, we still
need to do our part. We need to surrender our lives, so that His will can be
done and His Kingdom come. We cannot rest in Christ, until we submit to His
finished work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We deserve to be guilty, forsaken and abandon, but His grace
is sufficient to cover all of our sin. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It is finished” was the final word to human kind in committing
His Spirit back to God but also in redemption for us and for our souls and
salvation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I pray that you reflect on these final words and the ways in
which Christ offered His love to us. I pray that even though another Easter has
come and gone, that we would keep these words and the things that Jesus did for
us. I pray that we remember God’s ultimate love and sacrifice and forgiveness.
We are redeemed and we are His beloved. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-30670076206355345832015-03-30T18:57:00.000-07:002015-03-30T18:57:27.628-07:00My New Tattoo: HesedThe second of my new tattoos is hesed in Hebrew.<br />
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I have been spending the past five weeks studying through the book of Ruth with my small group. The book of Ruth is probably my favorite book of the Bible because I studied through it during my college single years (and even my single adulthood). The book embodies so much of the loving relationship between Ruth and God, Ruth and Naomi and then later between Boaz and Ruth.<br />
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God uses the word hesed to describe his own character. The type of characteristics that we should embody as His own.<br />
<i>"Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin." -Exodus 34:6</i><br />
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<i>Hesed </i>summarizes what God is like: loyal, committed, merciful, enduring, faithful, covenant-keeping love.<br />
The act of hesed is often demonstrated from one person to a more vulnerable party.<br />
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The act of a covenant-keeping love is the key theme in the book of Ruth.<br />
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Ruth followed Naomi. She gave up everything for her, took on a new faith, and worked to provide for her mother-in-law. After Ruth's husband died, she had not obligation to Naomi. Naomi even urged her to leave, yet Ruth stuck by her side. She offered her a loving kindness unlike any other. She remained loyal to Naomi as she gleaned the fields and provided for her. Hesed requires sacrifice because it is not an emotional love (like I love chocolate cake... or anything chocolate). Hesed is an act of pure deep faithfulness and loyalty.<br />
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Hesed best embodies God's love because human commitments and good intentions often fail. However, God is the only one who can say, "I WILL NEVER leave you or forsake you."<br />
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<i>"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6</i><div>
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As I worked through the study, I loved the way that it introduced the actions of the book as hesed. I knew then that I would get hesed as one of my next tattoos. I just didn't think that it would happen less than three weeks later. </div>
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The greatest example of God's hesed is sacrificing His One and Only Son for our sake, for our benefit and for the fact that as a sinful being that we sometimes cannot help ourselves. </div>
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As I dug deeper into the book of Ruth, it wasn't about this romantic book of fairy tales like its sometimes embodied, but it was about a faithfulness of a loving God. A love with character and commitment.</div>
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<i>Thank you Lord, for your loyal love. Thank you for your loving kindness, I pray that these symbols on my arm help me to forever remember that you are faithful. May I remember that you meet my every need, even when I fail to worship you. May I never be fearful of the future, but may I remember your love to pull me through each and every circumstances. May I rest continually in your loving kindness. I pray that I continue to learn how to offer a hesed love to those I encounter. May my future husband love me with hesed. May hesed become so engrained in my character as I strive to serve you, follow you and lead for you. </i></div>
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Another reason I want to do a foot washing ceremony with my husband on our wedding day because that would be the perfect example of hesed. A humbling, beautiful and outward expression of our love for Christ and our love for each other and our commitment to forever together. </div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-7463300336599045912015-03-29T22:37:00.000-07:002015-03-29T22:37:52.824-07:00The Girl with the Two New Tattoos: Come Thou FountCome Thou Fount<br />
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Most know this as a hymn that they grew up singing, if you grew up in an older church like mine. I have always loved hymns because they hold such depth of peace, love, grace and history of the church.<br />
Come Thou Fount has always been my song- the song that has allowed such peace to wash over me throughout my life especially when it comes to missions and life transitions. God speaks to me through this hymn in so many beautiful ways.<br />
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As a young girl in church, during a difficult time the song spoke such volumes to me. As I've gotten older, different parts of this song speak such volumes. During difficult times in my upbringing, this song always helped me to hold on and to cling closer to God.<br />
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When I was praying about going on my first ever missions trip, I would be going to Camden, New Jersey for two months. My first time away from home would be living in the poorest city in the US and in the fifth most dangerous city. I was going with APU and had been accepted on a team and had a short period of time to accept the opportunity to go. My first Sunday in church since being accepted on the team, Come Thou Fount was the first hymn we sung. A peace washed over me, Camden is where I was suppose to go.<br />
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My time in Camden broke me in the best kind of ways. I broke down walls of self-doubt, it broke down walls of racism and stereotypes and it gave me a heart for children and for missions. It was a truly beautiful. I knew that I needed to return and as I sat in the church with the choir I was, what song did we begin to sing... Come Thou Fount. I knew in that moment I would return to Camden again.<br />
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I ended up going back to Camden three times over the course of two years. During my last time back to Camden, I had just lost my job and was leading a short trip to Camden. I was sitting in a hotel room on vacation with my family and channel surfing for something to watch. I turned on this Lifetime movie, and within ten minutes there was a scene of a man being out in nature and he began to sing, Come Thou Fount. I knew in that moment that I was suppose to go back to Camden for a longer term. I fought that decision for about a week or two until God revealed again what I was supposed to be doing with my now free time and freedom.<br />
You can read more about that from an <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2009/06/sign.html">old post</a>.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxtZrAd-Yt181vzVMIEmChGmlmT06YBbNrPvkGQSDTNqfOZFhogjcl6HJ88FXGqr9ijc_JZvlQBP0mDyzwWBisXqx5A7bUjaJx_yuCNUkcKEi5klIcN2pswL174yVIoP6VuimrHotz0Io/s1600/IMG_3278.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxtZrAd-Yt181vzVMIEmChGmlmT06YBbNrPvkGQSDTNqfOZFhogjcl6HJ88FXGqr9ijc_JZvlQBP0mDyzwWBisXqx5A7bUjaJx_yuCNUkcKEi5klIcN2pswL174yVIoP6VuimrHotz0Io/s1600/IMG_3278.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a>Right after I interviewed to go on a trip to Peru, I walked into my "new" church and what song was being sung. It calmed all my nerves and I felt a peace. I ended up going to Peru for two weeks then. When I was asked to go to Haiti after leaving my job, it played again.<br />
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I was at a benefit and I saw this gorgeous chalkboard sign that read, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, Tune my heart to sing thy Grace!". I knew that I wanted to get another tattoo and I saw this and I knew. I didn't win the bid for that beautiful sign that night but I began scouring the internet and found the drawing (to the left) and I knew that the design was met for me. After trying to get several designers to redesign the art for me, the opportunity presented itself last weekend.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTx8VUj4eOFFpSZplIu1Qwc9DQwa7Uwx0vfNS87s_3u4kUF7cQduONKry6NTje01eeKRaLwevpthltCNG9laaCtKsSD4YwRnz5knMH6n50ckCI2zSA7pVoRzKm7Oh1gzYWS0T2B1Lx5RM/s1600/IMG_4606.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTx8VUj4eOFFpSZplIu1Qwc9DQwa7Uwx0vfNS87s_3u4kUF7cQduONKry6NTje01eeKRaLwevpthltCNG9laaCtKsSD4YwRnz5knMH6n50ckCI2zSA7pVoRzKm7Oh1gzYWS0T2B1Lx5RM/s1600/IMG_4606.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a>Even now, with my newly inked wrist. As work stress rises, I can't help but look down and feel a sense of peace as I read the lyrics. I pray God continues to tune my heart to grace as I deal with difficult work situations and circumstances.<br />
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I don't know how else or when the song will continue to speak to me and how peace will wash over me, or how God will continue to use this beautiful hymn to speak to me. But I know that it will.<br />
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I do know that I plan to have this song play at my wedding... whether that be during our first communion with my husband or when I wash his feet... maybe even when I walk down the aisle. I cannot wait to share the depth of this song in my life with my future husband.<br />
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<b>Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing</b><br /><br /><i>Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,<br />Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;<br />Streams of mercy, never ceasing,<br />Call for songs of loudest praise.<br />Teach me some melodious sonnet,<br />Sung by flaming tongues above.<br />Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,<br />Mount of Thy redeeming love.<br /><br />Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,<br />Till released from flesh and sin,<br />Yet from what I do inherit,<br />Here Thy praises I'll begin;<br />Here I raise my Ebenezer;<br />Here by Thy great help I've come;<br />And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,<br />Safely to arrive at home.<br /><br />Jesus sought me when a stranger,<br />Wandering from the fold of God;<br />He, to rescue me from danger,<br />Interposed His precious blood;<br />How His kindness yet pursues me<br />Mortal tongue can never tell,<br />Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me<br />I cannot proclaim it well.<br /><br />O to grace how great a debtor<br />Daily I'm constrained to be!<br />Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,<br />Bind my wandering heart to Thee.<br />Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,<br />Prone to leave the God I love;<br />Here's my heart, O take and seal it,<br />Seal it for Thy courts above.<br /><br />O that day when freed from sinning,<br />I shall see Thy lovely face;<br />Clothed then in blood washed linen<br />How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;<br />Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,<br />Take my ransomed soul away;<br />Send thine angels now to carry<br />Me to realms of endless day.</i><div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-46164783100873546182014-12-08T23:09:00.001-08:002014-12-08T23:09:17.481-08:00Symbolism of 40Symbolism of 40<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLs9e9ynqKgi4XT471mW5Iu9RztqGPxJaIQecoGSgpBZ3b49BaBUABpjMHPKHsl0wYeo7jDtDVqZD8C8Nbs9eLfLBmuM6oNU8770gl4-b0zwKCK5qoZ4_Pf-tvGO9KuOVGt4-cjEVzTgI/s1600/IMG_3692.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLs9e9ynqKgi4XT471mW5Iu9RztqGPxJaIQecoGSgpBZ3b49BaBUABpjMHPKHsl0wYeo7jDtDVqZD8C8Nbs9eLfLBmuM6oNU8770gl4-b0zwKCK5qoZ4_Pf-tvGO9KuOVGt4-cjEVzTgI/s1600/IMG_3692.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a>A time period of forty (days, weeks, years) is something of great significance within the Bible. Each time period of forty units is related to testing, probation, or being tried. Each period however, does end with a time or area of blessing.<br />
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I have truly been blessed.<br />
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Tonight I sat with my therapist for my last session.<br />
Our 40th session to be exact. How symbolic.<br />
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There indeed has been much testing over the past 40 or so weeks. As I sat across from my wonderful therapist, I couldn't help feel like it was a graduation day, a great accomplishment. I have met all my goals, felt deeply, have been stretched, cried lots, and healed lots.<br />
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I went into therapy not for any addiction or life crisis, but truly just wanting to deal with life and grow. I was shocked as I had met all my goals at <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/09/praise-27-weeks.html">week 27</a> and now finding closure at week 40 after finishing a relationship/marriage series and ready for the next chapter of life. To be told that I am ready for marriage and have learned how to process stress and life and circumstances is so exciting and so humbling.<br />
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Life hasn't been easy or difficult, I have had some very low moments in my childhood and adulthood and some amazing joyous moments. Truth of the matter is, I once was a daddy's girl. At some point things change and my relationship with my dad changed. But I couldn't take the deep emotional hurt or verbal abuse. Truthfully, it doesn't matter what his addictions or pains are, it is my baggage that had to be dealt with, sorted through, conquered, and left at the feet of the Cross. Not every day is easy, but each new day is better as I strive to find forgiveness and healing. Through therapy I began to see my dad for who he is, not who I wished he was. I began to see him as a lost, hurting, and <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-little-boy-in-distance.html">broken boy</a>. I began to let go of the <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/08/letting-go-of-hope-and-titles.html">titles</a>, pressure, hurts, and bitterness. God has redeemed me and brought a lot of healing and restoration.<br />
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God has also rattled me cage and has brought me ready to close one chapter and start the next.<br />
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My last post on Thanksgiving had me feeling deeply hurt and emotional and I felt like band-aids were being ripped and scars hadn't healed. I was overwhelmed by the response in emails filled with prayers and encouragement, Thanksgiving offers, and several opportunities to rent rooms.<br />
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Through much prayer and after meeting and discussing about 5 different options, God has provided me with the most amazing next chapter to start.<br />
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<b>Less than two weeks from today, I will finally be moving out of my parent's house.</b><br />
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I am moving into a home, not just renting a room. Upon meeting with this lovely soon to be roomie, I felt such peace wash over me. Her home is everything that I would even envision for my own home to be like. God spoke to us in such beautiful and peaceful ways of assurance. I am excited for the learning and growth that will happen for us and honestly, I think she's pretty amazing.<br />
Read just an expert of her <a href="http://karenmichaelle.com/2014/10/25/miracle/">blog </a>and tell me your heart strings aren't pulled through the ways God is using her in full time ministry.<br />
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Continued prayer for re-budgeting and finances (I'll be working extra hard on photo shoots and baking/candy making to earn extra money). Prayer for this life transition and closing of a chapter. Prayer for new friendships and relationships into the new year. Prayer for continued patience and learning. Prayer for understanding from my parents (I told them last weekend).<br />
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Thank you for your continued support and love, dear friends and readers.<br />
I am so thankful for the next step in becoming even more strong and courageous.<br />
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I will move out the week of Christmas, have knee surgery, spend a few days resting at my parent's house and with G.ma taking care of me and then officially live in the new place before the first of the New Year. Get a few more days, followed by hopefully going back to work.<br />
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As I close out week 40 of being tried, I am so excited to see God's continued blessings in the coming year and to continue to be strong and courageous each and every day. So excited for this next chapter and new year... cheers to another 40!!!Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-60920891939542972122014-11-26T22:36:00.000-08:002014-11-26T22:36:03.805-08:00A Thanksgiving PleaA Thanksgiving Plea<br />
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For those of you out there reading this and that know me very well, know that Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday because of my family. I write this currently with hot tears streaming down my cheeks.<br />
For years, I spent my mornings serving the homeless and serving at church and each year I would give my family my schedule and each year they would eat without me. The worst was the year that by the time I got home, they ate all of the leftovers. It's pretty sad.<br />
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Right now, my dad is lecturing my mom about not jumping into conversations to tell him to stop screaming and yelling at me. I can, not so quietly, hear him say that they never see me because I come and go. Yet he has not come to me to apologize or say anything.<br />
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To be honest, the way I cope with not being verbally and emotionally attacked is to not be home. I work a corporate job from 6am to at least 3pm every day and then my afternoons are filled with physical therapy, church, bible studies and just anything I can do to not be around my dad.<br />
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We just got in a fight. Happy Thanksgiving to me.<br />
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I was on a call earlier and he came into my room to throw mail on my bed, as the tvs in all rooms were loudly on and I was intently trying to listen to the person on the other line, I put one finger up as if to say... ssh one minute. Although no actual words came from my mouth as he swung the door open to enter.<br />
Apparently that set him off and about ten minutes later he moved closer and closer, screaming and yelling more and more loudly. I am rude, seems to be the constant theme. When I ask him to calm down or lower his voice, it only increases the volume. As I try to apologize or explain that he misunderstood my gesture, more mud gets slung my way. I don't know that he can honestly hear anything I have to say.<br />
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Years of this type of explosive abuse... the "memories" come rushing back as I try to stay calm and not react. My voice often increases to match his and the cycle continues. I've overcome a lot of pain, hurt, and abuse this year and don't often engage him. But he has started drinking and it only adds lighter fluid to the resentful fire burning within his heart towards me.<br />
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This is the second interaction in less than two weeks and I am now taking this as God's slight pull to get out and move to a safe place.<br />
Sometimes I think God can rattle our cages as a way for us to wake up, not that I have done anything wrong but He wants me to wake up to other possibilities.<br />
The reason I live at home, as a 27 year old woman is that I went to a very expensive Christian school and with the exception of paying rent, I pay all my own bills. I am currently doing was Dave Ramsey likes to call snowballing.<br />
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So I ask that you pray for me, first and foremost.<br />
<br />
Pray that I can find a new living situation swiftly and quickly.<br />
I have a very limited amount of resources and not many financial options.<br />
<br />
I make a great roommate. I love Jesus. Am pleasant to be around and can often make you laugh. I love to cook and am told I am a great baker. I can afford some rent, which I'd love to discuss if you have options.<br />
My goal is to be honestly be out by Christmas. I have knee surgery scheduled the day after Christmas and this is not a healthy environment to find any sort of healing or a place where I can recover in a healthy and safe environment. Nor a place where helping me won't be held over my head down the road.<br />
<br />
Pray for Satan to stop using my dad as his mouthpiece to whisper, scream, and yell lies at me.<br />
I pray my parent's find Jesus and develop a relationship with Him. I pray to hold on the truths of Chris, that I am His and that<br />
<br />
I pray to survive thru lunch with my parents. If I can even manage to make it thru that, I already have dinner with another family calling my name. But I don't want to entirely not be with my parents, deep down I'm just a little girl desiring for her parents to love.<br />
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Pray that the tears happen less and less and that my heart, mind, and soul become stronger and stronger as I continue to cling to God.<br />
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I pray to remember how Sovereign God is thru this all.<br />
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I am thankful for the ability to write and I am thankful for those of you reading this right now and those of you that I already know are praying and will hold my hand thru this process.<br />
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If you would like to offer encouragement, resources, or anything, please email me at:<br />
jennlynichole@gmail.com<br />
<br />Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-36840933516528741542014-11-16T14:53:00.002-08:002014-11-16T20:27:33.601-08:00A Paper CutA Paper Cut<br />
<br />
Have you ever gotten a paper cut?<br />
I am sure we all have at one point.<br />
<br />
You're sitting reading, or flipping through pages of a magazine.<br />
At first you think you're fine, and then it begins to sting and then eventually it hurts more as you realize the depth of the cut. Then the cut becomes an annoyance more than anything.<br />
<br />
That pain is how I would describe most interactions with my dad.<br />
I try to avoid him like a paper cut. No one wants one. I am not saying I don't want a dad, but the interactions with my dad often start like a paper cut.<br />
<br />
The interaction begins and you think you're fine, then it begins to string and eventually hurt and then you end up just feeling extremely annoyed.<br />
<br />
Today is my parent's 29th anniversary.<br />
I woke up and wished them a happy anniversary. It was the first time I'd seen them together in the same room all week. I have a very busy and hectic schedule and my mom goes to bed earlier, while my dad stays up late on his laptop doing "business marketing". So I often don't see them, they do their own thing in the evenings. Sometimes I can catch them in a same room for an hour or so, but for the most part there is little social interaction or quality time spent together.<br />
Most conversations with my parents, primarily my dad, quickly spin out of control and my dad raises his voice and changes his tone. The minute I tell him to stop, it's like a volcano explosion and I typically retreat.<br />
<br />
This morning after wishing them a happy anniversary, I asked them about a holiday party I was considering throwing.<br />
<br />
Later that afternoon, my mom's whole family and my parents got together for lunch. The conversation quickly became very pointed at me from my dad.<br />
The conversation started talking about my brother possibly being deployed again this year and when my dad sounded surprised that I knew, he began to raise his voice/tone at me. He was there when my mom talked to me earlier this week.<br />
Half of the time I don't remember how the conversation escalates because I'm so busy trying to duck and cover from the mudslinging a majority of the time. My defense mechanism is to retreat because there is less damage and shrapnel verses running towards the front lines to fight.<br />
It ended with him calling me rude for bringing up the holiday party this morning instead of gushing over their anniversary and marriage.<br />
While I think that my parents love each other, they essentially live separate lives emotionally from each other. Seeking fulfillment in mind-numbing tv, gambling, alcohol, drugs, and the internet... amongst other things I'm sure. We have been socially and emotionally disengaged from each other for years.<br />
My dad continues to only have conversations with me regarding business and marketing. Although I continue to tell him I don't want to talk regarding those things.<br />
I don't know which is worse: to listen and attempt not to roll my eyes or, to distance myself to avoid the conversations and interactions all together?<br />
My dad has this dream of becoming a business and internet marketer, but he has little experience and the process is time consuming. He has a full-time job. These attempts are to get out of debt, when in reality he pays into people and programs to make him successful but he never has enough money to really get something off the ground and so it fails. Again and again, he gives away money.<br />
<br />
Growing up my dad used to tell me: "you must believe in something, or you'll fall for anything, and eventually become nothing." The hard thing is that, he doesn't believe in God in the way that he should. He falls for business ploys and schemes to help him achieve this unrealistic ideal of the American Dream. Every single month there is something new that he is believing in and when it fails him, he blames me or my mom for not supporting him. It's a vicious cycle.<br />
<br />
I went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and am dealing with my own student loans and debt. I am a firm believer in not living or spending beyond your means. Yet my dad continues to be dishonest with his finances and to spend money here and there and everywhere. It adds up.<br />
<br />
I am often called the unsupportive and selfish daughter. The one who went to college who won't support her father. My dad asked me if I had $2500 today at lunch. To which I advised no. Last month he asked if I had $10,000 he could have or borrow. I wouldn't be living at home if I had that kind of money stored up.<br />
<br />
I live pay check to pay check attempting to snowball my debt within the next year with my car payments and credit cards and within 5-7 years with my student loans. Apparently I am not a good daughter because I won't "lend" him money or because I went to college and am not stable enough to help him. His partial investment in my education isn't paying out for him and the blame gets placed on me. I learned a lot of what got me where I am financially is because my parents didn't teach me good financial skills, but also because my parents (with the exception of some student loans) don't provide for me like most people my age or that I know in my community. I anticipate little to no financial help with the time comes for me to get married.<br />
<br />
The thing that makes this so hard, is that I have overcome leaps and bounds of hurt and pain from the verbal and emotional abuse that I experienced as a child. You can read about those discoveries and healing in other blog posts of mine.<br />
But any time spent with my dad when I am not fully healed is like getting another paper cut or getting a band-aid quickly ripped off.<br />
<br />
It's unfortunate.<br />
But I have to remember... paper cuts happen. And they eventually heal and the string stops hurting.<br />
<br />
I pray that I can eventually avoid all paper cuts because I have healed so much and been restored that God's grace and compassion for my father is like healing super powers and the paper cuts eventually don't hurt and don't happen.<br />
<br />
I ask that you pray for my heart to continue mending. For God to continue to allowing me healthy distance until I can over grace and compassion only. I pray that my dad can come to know the loving Father I know and that he can find healing and forgiveness in the arms of Our Savior.Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-8033750699207558342014-11-16T00:40:00.002-08:002014-11-16T00:40:32.789-08:00Home Sweet HomeHome Sweet Home<br />
<br />
One year ago... November 15th...<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggAXfujkE1UFMqaStT6o2lgY8sx6EGNb1VUO7bFdQDtXR0sbBUeX9VPTpq7IXBHSMvGST-z8PEhPS-1AApMfHoAg89xYi-n6OruOpw097n10wp67Am_bRIQ7Yo65BMzrOfZ3an3OLNY98/s1600/oceans+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggAXfujkE1UFMqaStT6o2lgY8sx6EGNb1VUO7bFdQDtXR0sbBUeX9VPTpq7IXBHSMvGST-z8PEhPS-1AApMfHoAg89xYi-n6OruOpw097n10wp67Am_bRIQ7Yo65BMzrOfZ3an3OLNY98/s1600/oceans+1.jpg" height="320" width="199" /></a>One year ago today, I boarded a flight from Haiti and returned back to the States.<br />
I had just finished living in Haiti as a missionary for almost three months.<br />
It is so crazy to think back on how times flies, to think back on all that God has done in the past year.<br />
I cannot believe that we are nearing the end of November and almost the year.<br />
I don't want to jump into another year in review, like I did <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/12/wake-me-up-yearly-review.html">last year</a>, just yet... I have about five weeks before I can review 2014.<br />
<br />
However, I do want to recall the things I have learned in my relationship with God and the things I learned while living in Haiti and how they are still affecting me today.<br />
<br />
I have learned the importance of processing my trip and the importance to continue serving, not just longing to be back in a place that was my home sweet home. I call it the <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-holy-suffering-transition.html">holy suffering</a>.<br />
<br />
I think the greatest thing I have learned is home is where I am. And Jesus is within my heart, no matter where I am. When I went to Haiti the third time (for three months), I went into my move thinking that I was going to be transformed and grow deeper in my relationship with God because I was in Haiti. While I did grow deeper in my relationship with God, I grew because I had to intently seek relationship with Him. It didn't just fall into my lap because I was in a third-world country. I think in previous trips, we seek God out because that is what we are suppose to do. Our days are filled with serving because that is what it organized for us to experience the most of the trip and of the country. We do devotionals and pray every morning because we are seeking to serve God and we have full schedule of service activities planned. Living in Haiti as a missionary was different. It was life, it wasn't a mission trip entirely. I had to develop me own routine in Haiti and in my life/relationship with God. It wasn't done for me, but is was the perfect example and starting point for what I would need in my life returning home to the states.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYT1gCrykzD9gGAUhI66LwndzXhOvlCV0RUQmWpJqHMcLdoTIdYWHsCJJeLddTuQcTMqoaxLf3LtWKe7zcQCvsXV5zj0lIV1vgsn6Dto65oEfHWe_bdiBPt83GAay0nBwb64wPDAf_9mA/s1600/IMG_9726.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYT1gCrykzD9gGAUhI66LwndzXhOvlCV0RUQmWpJqHMcLdoTIdYWHsCJJeLddTuQcTMqoaxLf3LtWKe7zcQCvsXV5zj0lIV1vgsn6Dto65oEfHWe_bdiBPt83GAay0nBwb64wPDAf_9mA/s1600/IMG_9726.JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a>Almost three times a week I went running with my roommates in Haiti and it was beautiful because not only was I trying to stay fit but it allowed me to clear my head each morning as I watched the sunrise. I was able to pray over the dilapidated homes, to listen to worship music, to pray for the kids that chased us down the street and to join in fellowship/community with my roomies. As we walked back up the hill to the mission from the street we ran, I would pray for the day but then I would grab some water, a cup of Haitian coffee and my journal and bible. I would put on a my worship play list and just pray over all the things God was doing in my life and in my heart during my time in Haiti. I met with Jesus almost every morning and it was so beautiful because I can look back and read through that journal and see all that God taught me. It also created an example to my roommates and to the Haitian staff and kids who saw me. I was simply meeting with my Father, my King, my sweet Prince, and my Savior.<br />
<br />
When I left Haiti, one of my roommates left me an encouraging note. She thanked me for my friendship, for the example I set for her as a Proverbs 31 woman. It was so humbling. We often spent evenings, when we could manage to find an internet connection and would talk about weddings and watch proposal videos online. It was totally cheesy. We often joked about what it meant to be a Proverbs 31 woman and about what we desired for marriage and what life would be life once we were married. The conversation was often divided. I cannot wait to share my learning and life experiences with my husband. It was so humbling to be considered a P31 woman. I pray that I can continue to become a P31 woman and to be an example to other women in the way that I live my life.<br />
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Lastly, my time in Haiti allowed me to find some sort of closure. The first two times I went to Haiti, my heart ached to return to Haiti and to live the simple life. During my time of living life and being a missionary, it allowed me to be at peace with returning to the States. God had granted my one wish to be a short-term missionary for more than a month... but for three months. He had fulfilled a deep desire and longing for my life, but He also allowed me to see that I needed a lot of healing and processing at home to take place. As you can read in blogs from this year, you will see that God had done so much healing in the past year that I have been home. I have learned that home is wherever I am and God is with me wherever that is. My time in Haiti also gave me the opportunity to learn about love, to learn how God could stretch my heart and love more and more each day. It also created a great routine and foundation to my relationship with God and knowing how to live the simplistic life. I have currently been Facebook and Instagram free for the past two months as I am on a social media fast for God's direction and for healing. I have cut out tv during the week and have learned so much as I have dug deeper and deeper into God's word as I have been co-leading a new believer's bible study. Also God has even opened up my heart to the possibility of traveling on another mission trip that is not Haiti.<br /><br />
Please be praying for me as I continue to serve in my home sweet home.<br />
Pray that I continue to delve into God's word and for direction, healing, and rejoicing in the simple pleasures of life. Pray for my heart to be in tune with God's will so I can continue to find rest in Him and hear His still small voice. Amen.<br />
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-30003057332947097982014-11-02T20:37:00.000-08:002014-11-02T21:14:34.316-08:00Beloved<span style="font-family: inherit;">Beloved.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am His Beloved.</span><br />
Oh, how often I forget that? So often.<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Today as I was shopping at a holiday boutique, I came across the most beautiful bracelet (You can purchase your own or personalize one <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/203270004/personalized-stamped-cuff-bracelet-brass?ref=shop_home_active_1">here</a>). </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stamped across it was the simple word that God has been speaking to me for the past year... </span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">BELOVED</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was meant to be. I call this a little shopping miracle, when God speaks through something and reminds me of His love. Like finding the perfect gift for someone or something that you had prayed about a price point in your head. Or that the item reminds you of the person or of God's goodness or both.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Looking back on my time in Haiti, I am continually reminded that I am His Beloved. I preached on this in Haiti, read <a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/10/love-does-humbleness.html">my previous entry</a>.</span><br />
<br />
I have struggled with the feeling of acceptance my whole life. The desire to fit in within social groups, but mostly within my own family. I have overcome a lot of hurt, pain, and abuse this year and I am continually reminded that I am God's Precious Child. He calls me His Beloved.<br />
I think one of our greatest human desires is to be known, to love and be loved.<br />
As I was away with a group of women a few weeks ago, I was excited to be surrounded by many other believers and even women within my age range. I wanted to be accepted and included by those I knew, but God had other plans. He wanted me to love and spend time with those I didn't know. He brought me out of my comfort zone. He introduced me to new people and He reminded me, that I am His. The hurt and the pain of the past desire for acceptance was quickly squashed as I prayed and chose to put the work that God was doing first ahead of my own insecurities or own desires to be included.<br />
<br />
<br />
It wasn't about the approval and acceptance of others but about God... an old devotional hit home:<br />
My Warrior,<br />
Today, I am asking you to search your heart and ask this question: Whom do you seek for approval? Are you living your life for the approval and praise of people, or of Me? I want to save you from exhausting yourself by performing for a world that does not want to praise you.I designed you to desire Me and Me alone. When you choose to live for Me, you will never again be thirsty for attention, because you will be hydrated in My love and adoration for you. Now let me ask you again, My beloved child: Whom do you seek?<br />
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Love,Your King, who seeks after you<br />
<br />
A friend shared with me and reminded me of Ephesians 1: 3-6, " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love 5 He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved."<br />
<br />
<br />
She dated 10/25 and wrote "God chose you. He adopted you. You are accepted, wanted and loved."I wrote, "You are His Beloved" above that. That is the most beautiful title that we could be called and given by our sacred Father.<br />
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I pray for anyone reading this, that feels unloved, unworthy, or discouraged. I pray that you would also know that you are His Beloved. That He love and cherishes you so deeply. <br />
<br />
<br />
~Galatians 1:10~<br />
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesman to the world."<br />
<br />
~Jeremiah 1:5~<br />
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men. I would not be a servant of Christ."<br />
<br />
<br />
My Beloved Child,<br />
I want you to experience the benefits and blessings of being mine. I want you to know the power of grace that only I can give you. You won't discover who I really am in your own strength. You can conquer and accomplish much on your own but you will never know the joy of everlasting work until you have been weak. It is in your weakest moment that my strength will become your strength and that my Holy Spirit that lives inside of you will rise up and you will know that I am with you always. If you will embrace your weaknesses and grabbed hold of all I am you will become all you desire to be. Now is the time to let me do great things in you and through you!<br />
Love,<br />
Your Strong and Mighty God<br />
<br />
"My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." - <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null">2 Corinthians 12:9</a><br />
<br />
I pray you would remember that you are His Beloved.<br />
<br />
Or if there is another word or phrase that He is speaking to you, that you would be reminded of that in the coming hours, days, and weeks.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
JennlyJennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-62554777887379089832014-09-28T01:36:00.002-07:002014-09-28T01:38:34.724-07:00The Alabaster JarThe below is a sermon that I wrote two years ago to preach at while at a brothel in Haiti. I spent weeks researching and praying and feeling nervous over it.<br />
I remember getting to Haiti and they asked me to preach a few days early than planned. I remember panicking because I wasn't ready and was so nervous and intimidated. God was pushing my flexibility and I finally came to terms with following His direction on the mission field and learning to go with the flow and go where God was leading. Luckily the day of my preaching got pushed back to our original date.<br />
My first mistake was that I didn't prepare by printing my sermon before I had left the United States. So there I sat in Haiti with less than five minutes to log onto the internet and copy my sermon notes off line and write them out via bullet points as fast as I could.<br />
The day came to preach the message and it was an hour before and I had knots in my stomach. Literally I felt so sick, shooting pain and I felt like throwing up.<br />
I knew without a doubt that this was spiritual attack. I knew that God was going to move. We began walking into town and towards the brothel.<br />
I remember stepping into the brothel and we were immediately greeted with stares and looks of darkness from the "pimps". There was a lack of disinterest from women as they sat and stared at me and the rest of our group. The women in our group crowded in this little hut that was the "club" of the brothel. Your heart felt so heavy. I was hoping we would lead into worship first but they asked me to preach first. I was surrounded with flies swarming my head and the stenches of the brothel and the noises that surrounded the streets.<br />
I started to preach and it was translated as I went section by section. The women seemed to connect, the tension released. God was moving. As soon as I prayed, we began singing worship and it was the most beautiful sound I had ever head at that time. It was honestly like a choir of angels singing, the weight and heaviness lifted from that tiny room. You could feel God's love and presence and as we sang.<br />
<br />
I knew from that moment that when I am doing something in God's will and the devil doesn't want it, that I feel sick to my stomach. Overcome with emotion. It's been my tall-tale sign. Every conversation I've had or decision, I've had to make and I feel that sickness just before I know that the Spirit is about to move, I know that God is about to bless the situation and I began praying for strength and protection from God and rebuking Satan.<br />
<br />
Its a beautiful thing to sometimes feel so in tune with God that I know when He is going to bless something in such an unknown way and then to look back on the moment after I have gained that courage to overcome that gut wrenching feeling of spiritual attack and to be like, "Wow, God! You are so good and so amazing. I can't believe you just did that!"<br />
<br />
Lord, I pray You continue to give me that discernment to obey Your calling. I pray You give me the courage to keep pushing forward in times of doubt. I pray for protection for the work ahead. I thank You for Your love and grace and for our relationship.<br />
<br />
The Sermon:<br />
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Imagine with me, a woman. She is running in the night. Running as
fast as she can, her heart is pounding within her chest. Her feet are moving so
quickly that she can barely keep balance; she almost slips and falls to her
face. The sweat drips from her brow but she knew she must get there. She has
too because everything and everyone else had failed her. He was her last hope,
her only hope. Would it work? Would he know and understand and accept her?</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">As she ran, in her hand she held a precious stone. A tiny jar
filled with oil. She let a sigh of relief that it was still intact, almost in
perfect condition since the day she had received it. It was given to her at a
young age, meant to be given to one person. Apart of her love and dowry and
sharing her life… it was one of the most precious gift that she could give.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">She filled her life with many things as she sought to find
fulfillment. She desired to be loved and to give her jar away. She was a sinful
woman. Sinful like any of us. She had made mistakes, had regrets, had desires
and dreams that hadn’t been fulfilled. People in the town knew her and they
knew her reputation. They whispered and stared. She felt as though she was
unloved, not wanted. She was out of options until she heard about Him.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">She had heard of all the amazingly good things that He was doing
all over. He was healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, making the lame
walk and forgiving sinner. Forgiving sinners. Forgiving sinners is what kept
crossing her mind. That was her. She felt as though she was the biggest sinner
of them all. But maybe He was the key. The last option. Maybe He could be the
one to put together the pieces of her broken heart. Maybe He could make her
whole again. He was her only hope, her last hope. </span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">She had made it. She stood outside the door, nervous and anxious
she waited. She had heard He would be there at Simon’s. She took a deep breathe
in and a deep breath out and composed herself, caught her breath, and wiped the
sweat from her face before entering to meet Him. But she questioned herself
before entering. Should she really do this? Was He really worthy of the oil in
her alabaster jar? It was the only thing of value that she had left in her
life. But it was too late to turn back now.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">As she entered the room, so many emotions rushed through her and
tears began to fill her eyes. </span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Luke 7:36-50</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">36 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him,
he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. </span></b><b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">37 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">A woman in that
town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s
house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. </span></b><b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">38 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">As she stood
behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she
wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;"><i>(This was a form of anointment; she was
acknowledge him as the Messiah. Also, the kissing of feet and the wiping of
tears was opposite of the Pharisees who wanted to sit at the table and be
equal. She had a sense that she was unworthy and just wanted to be near him.
At His feet was enough for her. It was better than anything she’d experienced
before to simply sit at His feet in her presence.)</i></span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">39 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to
himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and
what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">40 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Jesus answered him, “</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Simon, I have something to tell you</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">.”</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">“Tell me, teacher,” he said.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">41 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">“</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Two people owed money to a certa</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">in moneylender. One owed him five
hundred denarii,</span></b><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">[</span></sup></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke%207:%2036-50&version=NIV#a"><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-size: 7.5pt;">a</span></sup></b></a></span><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">]</span></sup></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> and the other
fifty. </span></b><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">42 </span></sup></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the
debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?</span></b></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">43 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt
forgiven.”</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">“</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">You have judged correctly</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">,” Jesus said.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">44 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Do you see this
woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but
she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. </span></b><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">45 </span></sup></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">You did not give
me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my
feet. </span></b><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">46 </span></sup></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my
feet. </span></b><b><sup><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">47 </span></sup></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great
love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">.”</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">48 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Then Jesus said to her, “</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Your sins are forgiven</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">.” </span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">49 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who
even forgives sins?”</span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">50 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Jesus said to the woman, “</span></b><b><span style="color: red; font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Your faith has saved you; go
in peace</span></b><b><span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">.” </span></b><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">Can you imagine
what this woman was feeling, to enter into a Pharisee's home and approach JESUS
with everything she had within her?! Pharisees were extremely prominent people
at this time and this woman had a reputation of being a sinner! What would they
say about her now??? Could she possible do this? Her emotions pour out as she
entered the room, she couldn’t hold back the tears of love and gratitude. With
her tears and the oil, she poured out her very heart onto Jesus’ feet while
onlookers stared and still talked about her like she was worthless!!! As they
dripped onto His feet, she had no tissue or towel to dry her tears from His
feet, so she unbound her hair. She forgot everything and everyone except Him. <br />
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But her Lord, Jesus Christ, saw her heart, her pain, her shame, and her
brokenness; in the midst of all her sin, He saw something beautiful that was
worth saving, and that's exactly what He did. He saved her. Can you imagine
what life was like for her after that moment? The moment she decided to give it
all to Christ, life changed forever.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">It causes me to think and reflect on my own life and my heart. Am
I “head over heels” in love with Jesus? Do I pour out my very best to Him and
lay everything at His feet? All of my hopes and desires and dreams. I encourage
us to live each day, giving Him our all knowing that He is plans are far
greater and better than we could have ever imagined and knowing that His grace,
love, and mercies covers the multitudes of our sins.</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif; font-size: 13pt;">My prayer is: Lord, I pray that you would work within my heart and
my life to do whatever it takes that I might become as dedicated as the woman
who poured out her alabaster jar for you. I pray that we would bring glory and
honor to your name and to your son Jesus Christ…</span><span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-1731009574732447112014-09-28T00:44:00.000-07:002014-09-28T00:44:42.089-07:00The Break Up<u>The Break Up</u><br />
<br />
I just went through a break up.<br />
<br />
Or maybe it's just a break.<br />
<br />
Now before you go jumping to conclusions and questions.<br />
<br />
What Jenn was dating someone? Who? A break up, when? I want more details.<br />
<br />
Slow your roll people.<br />
<br />
Well, I am not talking about any relationship other than with Jesus. And no, I didn't break up with Jesus. Actually this break up has allowed me to grow in deeper relationship with Jesus.<br />
<br />
I have broken up with social media... Facebook and Instagram and I are on a break.<br />
<br />
I feel God moving and stirring in my life and I think my biggest distraction had been social media. I wake up and end each day with it, check it at work, and when I'm bored. Most of my time became consumed with soaking it in, the news, the updates, the gossip, the drama, the versions of a perfect life. It isn't always reality.<br />
<br />
At first I was just going to do it for a weekend, as I prayed about life direction and upcoming decisions. When I quiet the noise of social media and television, it allows me to clear out the distractions and noise of life and to truly focus on God speaking and searching for the things He is revealing. I have never been disappointed in this decision. You can read in several of my blogs how He has always revealed such great things and how my anxious soul truly becomes quieted.<br />
<br />
Now I find myself enjoying the break. It has allowed me to be more intentional with time, has allotted me a lot more time with God and digging deeper and deeper into His Word. Life goes on without FB and it allows me to be intentional in relationships and communication with others.<br />
<br />
I cannot wait to reveal and share with you the things that God has been revealing. I can't wait to share with you how He closed certain doors and the the things I learned in that process. How He opened doors that I didn't expect and how they were the best decisions He had for me.<br />
<br />
As I am praying for life direction and decisions, I am excited to tell you that so far the journey has been teaching me patience. It has allowed me to grow as a person and to learn more about myself and even more about God. He has answered some prayers in very beautiful ways.<br />
<br />
I am also praying for healing and fasting for healing. For those of you who don't know, I injured knee exactly a month ago today. I went to the doctor the day after the injury because I was in so much pain and could barely walk. The doctor told me I had pulled tendons and to just stay on bed rest and icing my knee for three days. I was on crutches for two days. About ten days went by and I still was uncomfortable walking and met with the doctor, they referred me to a ortho surgeon to see as a specialist. I was blessed to work at a medical clinic and the director I work with, insisted on me visiting two doctors after I couldn't see the referral doctor. They revealed that they thought it was a torn meniscus and insisted I see my referred doctor immediately. Saw the doctor the next day and had an MRI scheduled for the following day. It was a praise to be seen so quickly.<br />
<br />
This past Monday, I sat in my car as hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I had just gotten out of the doctor's office and went over my MRI results. He had revealed news that we both were not expecting. I had an ACL tear, a partial tear and sprain to my proximal MCL, a tear to my meniscus, water/swelling in my knee joint and lastly, internal bruising. Reading and writing that again just literally brings me to tears. I have a long road ahead of pain and healing and lots of doctors appointments and quiet truthfully, it's all kind of scary. The doctor told me that I don't have enough current mobility in my leg and knee. I have to regain that strength before I can have surgery, otherwise I won't get that strength or mobility back. I currently cannot bend or completely straighten my leg. I have to go through at least four weeks of physical therapy and then I will have surgery to replace the ligament in my knee with a ligament from a cadaver. It's all a lot to take in. I will have a lot of medical bills coming in very soon and it is all quite overwhelming. But God is good. I had my first therapy appt on Friday and made a lot of progress. It wasn't easy and it was included painful stretches and exercises, but if I continue to push through it, I know that healing with come. I know that God has healing powers to speed up this process if that is in His will, I know that He has gifted my therapists and doctors and I am so thankful that as awful as this all is that God is good and so faithful and this whole process has allowed me to truly take rest in Him.<br />
<br />
So I ask you to first pray for healing for my knee and pray for strengthening for surgery and for patience in this process. I ask for you to pray for me as I continue to take a break from social media. So far it has been just over two weeks and who knew that this could be so easy.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your prayers and love and support and encouragement in this process.<br />
<br />
<br />Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-8157794819105008972014-09-09T07:30:00.003-07:002014-09-09T07:33:37.631-07:00Continuing to Break The Chains<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Last night
as my therapist prayed with me I felt peace but the emotion that had stirred
was still so heavy. My therapist looked me deep in the eyes and said, I wanted
you to journal if there is anything left of these emotions and work through
them. Then I want you to spend some time with Jesus. I felt as if she knew my
alone and quiet time had been lacking. I want you to spend time with Him and
pray and see what He will reveals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
As I sat up in bed last night, I cried more and prayed more and journaled last
nights heavy emotions. The sense of anxiety weighed heavy on my heart, the pain
and emotion was so raw. That even as I tried to write or seek God's guidance
that my heart and eyelids were so heavy that I couldn't clearly think or seek
God to the depths that I needed to go. I truly needed rest. So I decided to go
to bed. But I remembered as my therapist assigned me the time with God and time
to reflect I remembered that this Tuesday, today, I had a late start for work.
I didn't have to be in the office until 8am. I knew then that was the perfect
time to spend with God since I don't get much sleep, I would be awake at my
normal schedule. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
So here I sit in Starbucks just having spent the past hour journaling and
praying and so in love with God and what he revealed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I ordered a croissant of yummy goodness
across the street and a new latte, coffee dates with Jesus. I need to enjoy
this time, not thinking about the budget or the calories, but to just give into
what sounded perfect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
I sat down, opened up the journal and the devotional and turned on my favorite
worship station. I was ready to read and pray and journal and to dig through
the emotions. I figured the process would be awhile. But no, God jumped
straight to what He wanted me to do and pray.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The lyrics came on: "There is POWER in
the name of JESUS to break every chain."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">God wasted no time, He jumped right to the
point. He wanted me to break every chain. Every chain of pain that binded
me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
I laid the thoughts of the past at the feet of the Cross. The pain, the hurt,
the sorrow, the disappointment- I gave those over to God and asked Him to take
them captive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
I prayed more and wrote more as He spoke. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
You are light, when the darkness closes in. You are peace, Oh Lord, when my
fear is crippling. My fear was crippling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I hand my future to you Lord, take it and
give me peace and patience in this process.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
"Greater is He that is in you, than he who is in the world." -1 John
4:4<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
You are my protector, you fight the battle for me. I need to give you the
battle. Even in the midst of war, you fight for Me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
In His presence I find peace. I think I often forget that and I forget to just
sit still in His presence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
<span style="background: #FDFEFF;">"For we are not fighting against
flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen
world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in
the heavenly places." -Ephesians 6:12</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: #FDFEFF; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
I prayed what the next devotional read</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: #FDFEFF; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
</span><em><span style="background: white; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">"In your
unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you
will guide them to your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13 (NIV)</span></em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="background: #FDFEFF; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">: </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<em><span style="background: white; font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Lord, let my actions aim to
please You, not other people. May the pleasure I find in You satisfy my soul.
Your view of me surpasses anything else I desire or pursue, so I praise Your
Name and rest in You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.</span></em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; letter-spacing: 1.5pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">TRUTH FOR TODAY:</span></strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Psalm 63:2-3, "So here I am in the place
of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous
love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains."
(MSG)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the
LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (ESV)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">As I prayed and tightly closed my eyes, I
prayed for God to reveal more, something specific, something of truth. I was
astounded by what He revealed, because it was something He had revealed to me
before... yet again, I was awakened and encouraged by the way God loved me and
cherished and delighted in me. I had prayed last night to felt delighted in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">He revealed words that He has spoken before,
words which I had thankfully journalled a few months ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><a href="http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/05/awaken.html"><span style="color: windowtext;">http://jennandcamden.blogspot.com/2013/05/awaken.html</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">In the midst of deep sorrow, His light breaks
through and redeems me. I press into Him. He fights my every battle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bfveawSAHJA" width="560">
</iframe>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Thank you
Lord for breaking every chain so I can be free. Thanks for standing in the gap,
thank you for walking with me. Lastly, thank you for whispering the
words I needed to hear:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">YOU ARE
WORTH AND WONDERFUL!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you Lord for the ability to dig deep, dig deep into
the emotional heartache and pain of the past. Lord, I lay these feelings at
your feet and I ask you to redeem me. I ask you to continue to fill me with
your love and joy. I pray for your peace. I pray that I may fill loved and
cherished by you always. I give these “memories” and hurts and pain to you, oh
Lord. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please pray for me as I continue working through such pain
and to find healing and restoration. Pray for me to find joy in Christ alone.
That I don’t need birthdays or celebrations to feel cherished, but that I would
feel loved by Chris alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Monday nights seem to
be the heaviest nights of the week for me. Honestly because I have therapy. But
as I sit here with a heavy heart and heavy and puffy eyelids, the evening did
not start as I had planned. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sat in my doctor’s office this evening to do a check up on
my injured leg/knee. The appointment was a 6pm and I had told the receptionist
when scheduling it that I had to be someone where by 645pm. It was the first
prayer night after the summer at church. I loved these nights of prayer and
worship. As the clock ticked away, I got more and more emotional the longer I
waited. Forty minutes later the doctor strolled in and my eyes were filled with
tears. I didn’t like the information he gave me as well. He referred me to an orthopedic doctor/surgeon to have my knee
looked at by an expert. He rulled out a torn meniscus or ACL for the most part.
He said more than likely it will heal itself in about 6 weeks, but physical
therapy would be a good option. It was not the news I wanted to hear, my best
friend’s wedding is in 34 days. I have to wear heels. I miss working out, and
having energy and being able to do things. As I sat in the car, rushing towards
the church, my head filled with thoughts of how much is this bill going to cost
and then the next one. How can I continue to hobble around slowly and feel so
incapable of doing much and feeling so needy, but refusing to ask for help.
Then some peace settled amongst my tear filled eyes…. Rest. But I don’t like
rest? Rest!! But it’s hard, and I have a million and one things to do… just
rest my sweet child. You and I both know you need it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I snuck into the room full of people, I began to sing
worship and praise. I went up to have a pastor and friend pray with me. They
spoke such truth, which always breaks my heart because I long for truth who I
am to be spoken to me by my family. We prayed for feeling of my leg. We prayed
for my work place, and for my heart and the future and lastly we prayed for my
future husband. Tears filled my eyes and I felt God speaking.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I sat afterwards with my therapist, I caught her up on my
week and then we discussed new goals. I was in an emotional state after
everything that had already happen that evening and I began talking about my
fear of disappointment in my family for the future. I fear being let down by
them again and again. I fear abandonment by them . My greatest desire is to be
known and loved. To feel like I am known, like the way a spouse or best friend
is supposed to know each other. For years, I felt so lonely. (I know I have
fulfillment in Christ and have a great source of church family). But what I’m
talking about is truly digging deep into emotion, digging into the pain of the
past and feeling the pain that I felt in the moments of the memories that I was
going through.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears flowed as I recalled the moment my parents stopped
giving us gifts for Christmas and just started handing us cash. The feelings of
that they didn’t care enough to know me and get me a gift of value and meaning,
a gift that showed me they knew me and loved me. A memory of high school and
how my friends that I had known for over five years forgot my birthday, I then
began recalling every birthday. I have luckily had some good ones in recent
years. But each year I am so fearful of not turning a year older but feeling
forgotten and unknown and being disappointed. The pain was so raw. Birthdays
are so special to me because I feel as though it’s the one day a year about me.
The one day I ask for. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As this pain was raw and open, my therapist began praying
for me. Praying for healing for my leg and praying for healing of my heart as I
work through this all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH-B1n3hyphenhyphendsBYry7NY9byUXMz0QAchrg4ohbMbTlzoea4UnUnhWwJA9Z0uFpDfqCVbIJIFwWtT4mIp_pdwTZTBYtOwfBMbp2R1vgsNYAGW2XXkQ0is1hzDtIAgHMQnu8yli6YmyBH9_dQ/s1600/encouragment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH-B1n3hyphenhyphendsBYry7NY9byUXMz0QAchrg4ohbMbTlzoea4UnUnhWwJA9Z0uFpDfqCVbIJIFwWtT4mIp_pdwTZTBYtOwfBMbp2R1vgsNYAGW2XXkQ0is1hzDtIAgHMQnu8yli6YmyBH9_dQ/s1600/encouragment.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you Lord for the ability to dig deep, dig deep into
the emotional heartache and pain of the past. Lord, I lay these feelings at
your feet and I ask you to redeem me. I ask you to continue to fill me with
your love and joy. I pray for your peace. I pray that I may fill loved and
cherished by you always. I give these “memories” and hurts and pain to you, oh
Lord. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please pray for me as I continue working through such pain
and to find healing and restoration. Pray for me to find joy in Christ alone.
That I don’t need birthdays or celebrations to feel cherished, but that I would
feel loved by Chris alone. Lord I pray for rest during this time, and to be still so your can strengthen me! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pray for me as I rest this week. </div>
Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-13407755724653869172014-09-01T23:01:00.002-07:002014-09-01T23:01:44.606-07:00Praise: 27 WeeksPraise: 27 Weeks<br />
<br />
I feel like I'm pretty open, at least in this forum of writing/journaling/blogging. It seems to be an outlet for me to express myself and process the things I am learning and going through.<br />
<br />
Most people who have met me or have seen me live life would never know that I have experienced some traumatic verbal and emotional abuse for most of my life. Heartbreaking neglect and hurtful and harsh words thrown at me from my parents, the people that are suppose to love and accept me most. For the longest time, I held it in. I surrounded myself in busyness and burying this deep heartache and pain because no one could know. It was the lie I believed. I felt unloved and unlovable.<br />
<br />
Well, today I sat across from my therapist like I do every Monday. We talked about my week and the things I had learned, the frustrations, and what I was looking forward to coming up. My therapist wanted to go over my goals that we set towards the beginning of when we first began meeting. Mainly e beginning of my time. She told me our session tonight marked 27 weeks. My lucky number, my age, my golden year. I have never missed a session because my heart for change, healing, progress, and love was so great<br />
<br />
As she read through my short-term and medium term goals. I had met each one, some of which exceed in progress in leaps and bounds. My long-term goals are a work in progress... working on complete forgiveness, acceptance, and respect for my parents and family relationships.<br />
<br />
She talked about how I had two options:<br />
1) To stop our sessions where we were.<br />
2) To make new goals and continue working together.<br />
<br />
I told her 1 was not an options at all and needed to be taken off the table.<br />
<br />
I can't help but be so overjoyed. I have found so much peace, forgiveness and healing. I have gained so much confidence and self-worth and self-love. I have deepened my relationship with Christ and others along this journey and am so thankful that Christ has been there through this whole process. I am thankful to CCV for having the opportunity for me to seek help during some dark sorrows and heartaches and to have someone who walked alongside me in the journey. I am thankful for the opportunity to be vulnerable, unfiltered, to laugh, and to cry. I am loved and lovable.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful for this journey and to continue to see change in my life and relationships and am excited to see what the next days, weeks, and months look like.<br />
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<a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/passage.aspx?q=Psalms+107:19-21" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">Psalm 107:19-21</a></h4>
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Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.</div>
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<a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/30-2.html" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">Psalm 30:2</a></h4>
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O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.</div>
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<a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/147-3.html" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">Psalm 147:3</a></h4>
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He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.</div>
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<a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/jeremiah/17-14.html" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">Jeremiah 17:14</a></h4>
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Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.</div>
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<a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/mark/5-34.html" style="color: #336699; text-decoration: none;">Mark 5:34</a></h4>
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He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."</div>
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Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7568313819370322861.post-5242992374273496202014-08-11T23:05:00.000-07:002014-08-11T23:07:22.101-07:00The Holy Suffering: Transition<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I was reading through my devotionals tonight, it didn't quite hit the spot. So I decided to read the evening before's: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"<span style="line-height: 30px;">Choosing to suffer means that there must be something wrong with you, but choosing God’s will— even if it means you will suffer— is something very different. No normal, healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he simply chooses God’s will, just as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not." </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 30px;">What does it mean to suffer or to suffer from what? My mind immediately went to thoughts of Haiti . As some friends of mine have just returned from their first time in Haiti, it can't help but bring up the very fond memories of Haiti, of the children, staff and such joy and laughter. While the memories are fond, my love for Haiti causes an ache in my heart as I desire to be there verses here. I long for the simplicity and feeling so in line with God's call, feeling like you are in the center within His' will as you serve the orphan and the widow... literally. In coming back home, there is the transition period which is sometimes a few days and sometimes it is a few months. For me, I was annoyed with the selfishness of Americans and annoyed with the fact that people just didn't get it and didn't take the time to listen to me as I was processing and as was trying to understand what God just did in my heart.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhorPxmP_wayZzEa-rOn58yHgoF0br9ea0Xk7Dow9xzByaobFQs_bhX7G_MiIeiorMOFQqophdTXJxlyi4btA1HDuR5pzHCBZDa9tSw7w8g4_c360c3TkaLQX6J6Gudmt7oytF8IWUsLNg/s1600/oceans+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhorPxmP_wayZzEa-rOn58yHgoF0br9ea0Xk7Dow9xzByaobFQs_bhX7G_MiIeiorMOFQqophdTXJxlyi4btA1HDuR5pzHCBZDa9tSw7w8g4_c360c3TkaLQX6J6Gudmt7oytF8IWUsLNg/s1600/oceans+2.jpg" height="216" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 30px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 30px;">As I have have now been to Haiti on three separate occasions, among at least 3-4 other mission trips I continue to learn more about myself and about the process. Oswald Chambers states it in last nights devotional: "Look at God’s incredible waste of His saints, according to the world’s judgment. God seems to plant His saints in the most useless places. And then we say, “God intends for me to be here because I am so useful to Him.” Yet Jesus never measured His life by how or where He was of the greatest use. God places His saints where they will bring the most glory to Him, and we are totally incapable of judging where that may be." People may view my time in Haiti as a waste because I went with other peoples' money or because I stopped pursuing a career or education or vacation for a moment. But God calls us to love to the ends of the earth. God places us where we can bring Him the most glory. So for two weeks that was in Haiti, then again and then again. But right now I am home and God has me here until He leads me back to Haiti or calls me elsewhere. I think it is important to remember to serve and invest where I am. I don't think that jumping into service should be taken lighthearted because processing the journey of serving in another country is so important, but I think it vital to make a connection point based on the things that God taught you or me in that place of growth, learning, or brokenness. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMbiCn5STBzjC4cg9h0_MPyHBBjMPrTfONCzcHsh3-OJWFPKQr5dB9BD0HMiWN8Q1-QJNG9-mdY1ZfKvvQKBGeyPXO4Biz0BWQHpwEQUpHOxa-PnVlhmEx2bmLyjKiFzflG0Z30bEKzx0/s1600/Dieunese.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMbiCn5STBzjC4cg9h0_MPyHBBjMPrTfONCzcHsh3-OJWFPKQr5dB9BD0HMiWN8Q1-QJNG9-mdY1ZfKvvQKBGeyPXO4Biz0BWQHpwEQUpHOxa-PnVlhmEx2bmLyjKiFzflG0Z30bEKzx0/s1600/Dieunese.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 30px;">For me, I invest in the relationships I have in Haiti by sending notes and care packages, I support the missionaries in whatever way I can whether that be financial or supply-wise. I pray and encourage those I can who are serving or who are in the process of understanding it all. I know when people were praying and weren't, when you're in the mission field you can feel it. You can feel the power of the Holy Spirit moving when you are being lifted up in thought and prayer. Also, I serve in outreach because for me it is where I feel most alive and feel where God is working through me. While I still long for Haiti and the days of tap tap and moto rides, lots of laughter with the kids, and pizza on Fridays... I don't just sit here awaiting until I can go again. I stay active in serving and loving on those in my current end of the earth and I share my stories in hopes that it will inspire, impact or cause the Spirit to move in someone else's life through service or missions.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Good luck to you as you serve or search for where God would lead you next. Pray for me as I do the same!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 30px;">We all go through Holy Suffering as God teaches us, grows us, stretches us, and heals us. But we suffer through it all for the GREATER good and cause and for our GREATER GOD!!!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 30px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 30px;">"</span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." -Acts 1:8</span></span>Jennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00458061130576876194noreply@blogger.com0