A Glimpse of Mi Vida...
It started with a missions trip to Camden, where my life and perspective were changed and where this blog began. Life has been a roller coaster filled with its ups and downs and I'm excited for the adventure and discovering what God has in store, even though I really dislike roller coasters... I am a Lady in Waiting...
Friday, October 21, 2016
Last night I found myself in Fullerton for the evening. I was helping out a friend by pet sitting overnight and had no plans. If you know me, not having something going on is a rarity. My heart felt a tug to catch up on rest and to spend time with Jesus. Yet I still felt a sense of loneliness and wanting to be surrounded by laughter and people’s company. I began texting friends, seeing if anyone was free and would be in the area. Like the sound of bird chirping (my text tone), no, no, no, kept resounding over. It isn’t often that I find myself in Fullerton but one of my favorite restaurants is in Fullerton and Orange. I had a great day at the office yesterday as well as a successful month and it begged for a bit of celebration. As my heart felt a sense of solitude, I prayed. I debated even going out at all, but then I thought why not celebrate with God. Take myself on a date and enjoy this time.
I feel good in my current state of singleness, but there are moments where my heart is pinged with the sting of loneliness. The thoughts of what relationship and married life could be like; those feelings of sorrow don’t come up that often but when they do I find myself stuck in my head and seeking God to get me out. I needed a sense of courage to go out alone, but I sensed God calling me into deeper love and relationship with Him for the evening. I recently heard that the opposite of courage isn’t fear, but it’s self-preservation. I wanted to preserve my time and be surrounded by company. But even though I know I am chosen by God, I don’t live as such. I would rather live in the quietness of home and embrace my singleness in private than outwardly in public. I am continually learning that my identity is in God, not in the company of others. As important and significant as community is, I (sometimes) place more value in living in community with others, than living and communing with God.
I left and set out. I haven’t been to this restaurant since December and I was so excited. As I wandered around the restaurant (seat yourself), the only table I could find open was right near the front door. A small round table for three, there I sat, facing the front door. Each person who entered and left the restaurant could see me there. Sitting alone. I surveyed the menu, ordered a glass of wine and appetizer and my meal. I pulled out a book and began reading. I’m reading Bianca Olthoff’s “Playing with Fire: Discovering Fierce Faith, Unquenchable Passion, and a Life-Giving God”. In the few chapters I read sitting there at dinner, I felt God drawing me closer. I gleaned to the words Bianca wrote, finding correlations to my own life.
More and more I find myself listening to that still small voice, simply obeying and God allowing blessing to flow through me unto others in ways I didn’t expect. That’s a post for another day, but today God has been calling me to be still and to become more and more on fire for Him. Treat yourself out to a night with you and your Creator where you can enjoy the stillness, listen for His still small voice, and enjoy the company of yourself and His presence. Make the most of the time you have, and if you don't have time... then make time because He desires our presence and calls us to find Sabbath margin.