Recently, I was sitting at dinner with some single friends when one posed the question of, “how are you guarding your heart as we enter the holiday season?” It was a question that I truly had to think about. Singleness is most felt from Thanksgiving through Valentine’s Day; as families gather holiday-after-holiday, I am more easily reminded of your lack of a spouse or potential children. Now, with Christmas quickly approaching, I think it is important that we guard our hearts during this holiday in order to focus on the joy of the season.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Phil 4:6-7
1) Guard your heart by not comparing your singleness to the life of your married friends. Reflect on the things God has allowed you to accomplish during your times of singleness. For me, I’ve been single for 30 years- my entire existence. I have accomplished both bachelor’s and master’s degrees. I have travelled the world serving God and loving on children. I did all those things with God and dear family and friends by my side. While I look forward to achieving much with my future spouse, I can also achieve so much without being married. Maybe, if you’re a single mom, think of the beautiful children that you have raised, the challenges you have overcome and the ways that God has provided for you, even without the additional support from a husband.
2) Beware of where holiday movies lead your heart during this season. If you’re like me, I had to take a look at where Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies were taking my thoughts. If I find myself longing to live out a Hallmark movie, I must grab the remote to change the channel and take a moment of reflection to put the movie into a more realistic perspective: Boy and Girl fall in love. It's Christmastime and everything is just snowflakes and butterflies. Boy and Girl fall into a tearful, dramatic argument just 30 minutes before the movie ends - but not to worry, Boy and Girl make up within 10 minutes and run off to get married (Christmas themed, of course) just in time for the movie to end in joyful, romantic song." It is not real life. It can be okay to watch this, but if you are hoping for some crazy romance novel or movie kind of love, take a step back, set a new boundary, and guard your heart and mind.
3) Surround yourself with great friends and family. I deal with my single status best when I am not continually reminded of it by others. Last year, I spent New Year’s Eve with all couples and I still had a great time. Hang out with friends that you can have fun with and enjoy this time of year with. Friends that make you laugh and enjoy your company.
4) Love others well. In moments where you feel “desperate” for love or companionship, pray, talk to God, then text a friend. Be a friend to someone else. Everyone needs love and encouragement.
Lastly, reflect on this season for its true purpose - that God gave His Son for this world. While you may feel a lack of romantic love, you can still love another and be a blessing during this season. While you help bless others, you, in turn, will be blessed and your soul will be refreshed. Good luck, dear sister. You got this!
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