A Glimpse of Mi Vida...

It started with a missions trip to Camden, where my life and perspective were changed and where this blog began. Life has been a roller coaster filled with its ups and downs and I'm excited for the adventure and discovering what God has in store, even though I really dislike roller coasters... I am a Lady in Waiting...

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Celebrate Differently- Connecting to Others Through Prayer



Celebrate Differently

“Do small things with great love” -Mother Theresa

The week of Thanksgiving is always one of my favorite times of the year because it is filled with many service opportunities amongst my church family. This year one of the women from my Growth Group and I (along with her teenage daughter) somehow loaded my car with five boxes of Thanksgiving items, four turkeys, five pies and packages of rolls. It barely fit but we did it and we set out amongst Covina and Glendora. I love serving alongside children and teens because it begins to instill bits of the importance of gratitude and giving back. I didn’t grow up serving alongside my parents, but I learned to love others through their generosity with those they encountered.

As we jumped around town, we delivered meals to our first two families. Our third family was a family of eight. I had a sense of angst as we approached this home as each of our hands were filled with boxes and items. We were greeted halfway through the yard by a man who helped up onto their patio. We had small talk, wished them a Happy Thanksgiving, invited them to Christmas Eve services, and then offered to pray. I felt slightly uncomfortable to offer prayer after we invited them to service. I am not sure why, but there was a hesitation I think because I felt a tinge of uncomfortable due to the chaos of the home that surrounded us. We offered prayer and they gave us basic requests for family and health. We prayed.

I love prayer because it allows us to come to the Father in humbleness, in thankfulness, and to make our petitions. We petitioned for this family and for their needs. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6) Prayer creates vulnerability with God and each other. It was after our prayers that this family began to open up and share their struggles, hurts, and pains of the family and the past. There we stayed with them for another 30 minutes as we offered encouragement and recommended connection to the church community and services. I am thankful for the opportunity to pray with others in all circumstances and for the way that God connects us to others through prayer.

As I reflect upon last night, I am reminded of God’s faithfulness. It is through prayer that we are humbled. Through prayer, we are able to connect with others and can share moments of vulnerability. I love seeing what God does through big faith, generosity, and prayer within our local communities and through our simple obedience.

Friday, November 4, 2016

Honor


Honor




The past few weeks my church has been going a series on the Ten Commandments. I had missed church the previous weekend as I was preparing for a small speaking engagement with the financial firm, and so I couldn’t recall which commandment we were on. As I walked up the stairs into the auditorium of the church, I read the list of commandments from where we had last left off and I was halted in my steps as I read: “Honor Your Mother and Father”.


I believe that this has been one of the hardest commandments that I have struggled with keeping for awhile. My heart sank into my stomach as I prepared to hear the sermon.

A basic synopsis of my childhood from two other posts:

“Most people who have met me or have seen me live life would never know that I have experienced some traumatic verbal and emotional abuse for most of my life. Heartbreaking neglect and hurtful and harsh words thrown at me from my parents, the people that are suppose to love and accept me most. For the longest time, I held it in. I surrounded myself in busyness and burying this deep heartache and pain because no one could know. It was the lie I believed. I felt unloved and unlovable.”

“Life hasn't been easy or difficult, I have had some very low moments in my childhood and adulthood and some amazing joyous moments. Truth of the matter is, I once was a daddy's girl. At some point things change and my relationship with my dad changed. But I couldn't take the deep emotional hurt or verbal abuse. Truthfully, it doesn't matter what his addictions or pains are, it is my baggage that had to be dealt with, sorted through, conquered, and left at the feet of the Cross. Not every day is easy, but each new day is better as I strive to find forgiveness and healing. Through therapy I began to see my dad for who he is, not who I wished he was. I began to see him as a lost, hurting, and broken boy. I began to let go of the titles, pressure, hurts, and bitterness. God has redeemed me and brought a lot of healing and restoration.”

If you would like here are a few other posts of the back story (or feel free to explore my whole blog later):

The Broken Boy

Titles

A Thanksgiving Plea

Symbolism of 40

Briefly glancing over those posts brings up such raw emotions as I linked them just now.

As difficult as it was to sit in the service, it spoke such truth to my heart. The pastor shared that “children are like an arrow- held, pointed in the right direction, pulled back, and then released. Released into the right direction”.

Despite my difficult and emotionally painful childhood, I still have to honor my parents like I honor God. I have learned over the years that I must serve and honor my parents like I serve and honor God. I’ve learned that the closer I grow to God, the further I was from my parents but that the closer I grew to God, the more that grace and love for them grew.


The thing that most spoke to my soul from the pastor was that he spoke about how sometimes honoring your parents is about creating space with them. That was myself with my family over the past two years since moving out. Space created healthy boundaries for me. Therapy created ways for me to process through my past and find ways to be tolerant of the words that were spoken to me. Therapy allowed me to not hold thoughts of my parents hostage because when I do hold them hostage and place blame, it truly holds me in with bitterness. God’s love broke down many emotional barriers for me.

The pastor then said, “that it should break your heart to have to obey God when it in turn disobeys your parents.” This described so much of my turmoil amidst our relationship. My choice to move to Haiti or go on mission trips, my choice to move out, my choice to work in the nonprofit sector. God had led me to so many amazing opportunities and sometimes they didn’t meet my parent’s will for my life but it met God’s perfect will. When my will and God’s will align it is a beautiful thing of peace.

Although there were times, places, and spaces where I felt empty or broken or unfulfilled, God filled in the gaps and He made a way for me.

As I was recently making an upcoming list for a party, I was dumbfounded by the amount of people I had on the list who have impacted my life. I don’t say that to sound conceited or popular, it’s quite opposite actually. God has first and foremost filled me and comforted me with His presence over the years. But secondly, He has brought so many people in my life that also filled gaps that I needed. From friends, to other families who have invited me over for Thanksgiving meals, Christmas dinners, Easter and other important times- when I struggled being apart of my family, so many other families came by my side and welcomed me into theirs.

I think one of my greatest prayers has been for my future husband’s family to include me into their family like their own (like I’ve maybe been a missing piece and the perfect fit for their son), to even potentially call me daughter as well. I am thankful for the healing and restoration that God had done through me because of surrender and through a therapy chair in the past. Life with my parents has not been easy, but I am thankful for the honor I wish to still bring them and the respect I have as appropriate boundaries and space were created in my adulthood. I am excited for my future family and to hopefully impart wisdom on those who struggle through similar family circumstances. The conversations aren’t always easy but let me know if you want to chat.


Dear Lord, please continue to give my vision to see things like you do and to see family through a filter of love, honor, and respect and offer grace continually.

You can listen to the sermon here.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Date Night



Last night I found myself in Fullerton for the evening. I was helping out a friend by pet sitting overnight and had no plans. If you know me, not having something going on is a rarity. My heart felt a tug to catch up on rest and to spend time with Jesus. Yet I still felt a sense of loneliness and wanting to be surrounded by laughter and people’s company. I began texting friends, seeing if anyone was free and would be in the area. Like the sound of bird chirping (my text tone), no, no, no, kept resounding over. It isn’t often that I find myself in Fullerton but one of my favorite restaurants is in Fullerton and Orange. I had a great day at the office yesterday as well as a successful month and it begged for a bit of celebration. As my heart felt a sense of solitude, I prayed. I debated even going out at all, but then I thought why not celebrate with God. Take myself on a date and enjoy this time.


I feel good in my current state of singleness, but there are moments where my heart is pinged with the sting of loneliness. The thoughts of what relationship and married life could be like; those feelings of sorrow don’t come up that often but when they do I find myself stuck in my head and seeking God to get me out. I needed a sense of courage to go out alone, but I sensed God calling me into deeper love and relationship with Him for the evening. I recently heard that the opposite of courage isn’t fear, but it’s self-preservation. I wanted to preserve my time and be surrounded by company. But even though I know I am chosen by God, I don’t live as such. I would rather live in the quietness of home and embrace my singleness in private than outwardly in public. I am continually learning that my identity is in God, not in the company of others. As important and significant as community is, I (sometimes) place more value in living in community with others, than living and communing with God.



I left and set out. I haven’t been to this restaurant since December and I was so excited. As I wandered around the restaurant (seat yourself), the only table I could find open was right near the front door. A small round table for three, there I sat, facing the front door. Each person who entered and left the restaurant could see me there. Sitting alone. I surveyed the menu, ordered a glass of wine and appetizer and my meal. I pulled out a book and began reading. I’m reading Bianca Olthoff’s “Playing with Fire: Discovering Fierce Faith, Unquenchable Passion, and a Life-Giving God”. In the few chapters I read sitting there at dinner, I felt God drawing me closer. I gleaned to the words Bianca wrote, finding correlations to my own life.



More and more I find myself listening to that still small voice, simply obeying and God allowing blessing to flow through me unto others in ways I didn’t expect. That’s a post for another day, but today God has been calling me to be still and to become more and more on fire for Him. Treat yourself out to a night with you and your Creator where you can enjoy the stillness, listen for His still small voice, and enjoy the company of yourself and His presence. Make the most of the time you have, and if you don't have time... then make time because He desires our presence and calls us to find Sabbath margin.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Love Out Loud


Love Out Loud

I remember being a sophomore in college when I discovered my life verse, “Little children, let us love not with words and speech, but in truth and action.” I often hung out in the Student Success offices because I was a commuter and had made friends with the alpha leaders and staff there; it was one one of the computers that I read this verse for the first time and a deep peace resonated within my heart and soul. It was in college that I truly began living out my faith and was brought to do things that I never imagined: changing my major, moving to the East Coast for a few months for a couple summers to serve in a community and culture unlike the one I grew up in. The verse stuck with me and then while I was living in Haiti for three months, it took newer and deeper meaning of God’s love not only for me, but for the sweet orphans that I spent my days with. I could tell these sweet children that I loved them, but to them the words were empty like many other promises that were often broken in their lives. To truly care for these children, I needed to not just love them through kisses and hugs, but to help to provide for their daily and basic needs; water, shelter, and food.


Love is a crazy thing and it allows you to do crazy things out of our overflowing love from Christ. My prayer has always been that God’s love would be pour out to others through my actions. I think this world needs this same love now more than it ever has. So what can we do, what is our call to action.


Ten years later, I work in Student Success and my colleague and I were dialoguing about how can we support local law enforcement and police officers. There was a tragic car accident last night and so he encouraged people to support them, “We need to rise up and let our boys in blue know how much we appreciate and value them. Text or call your law enforcement and first responder friends, let them know.” I was so challenged and convicted by this statement and our conversation. Sometimes if we don’t act upon a moment of motivation, it passes and dies and nothing is accomplished. I was reminded of the tattoo of 1 John 3:18 on my wrist. How do I embody His love? As I was getting ready for bed, a burst of energy came over and I got to the kitchen. I made chocolate covered oreos with cookie butter drizzle and then my heath brownies with honey roasted almonds. I had a late start for work and knew that I need to utilize my few free hours in the morning. There is so much negativity floating around our society today and I was filled with such joy as I dropped off those two different goodies for two different law enforcement offices. They didn’t know my name, I didn’t write a card… I simply passed the items off to another office and whispered my thanks and gratitude for all they do. Police and Fire Departments has come to my rescue throughout my life as my dad worked for public service/government and we’ve been put in unfortunate circumstances, so for me personally I have such gratitude for these men and women who love their community and risk their lives.

How often am I thankful or appreciative of something but fail to actually express said feelings? How often am I embodying God’s love and serving others? My challenge is for you, for us to display our love more through our actions. Through that simple hello and smile to a stranger, to that coworker who needs encouragement, or to that homeless man or person who is hurting. Paying for that strangers meal or Starbucks behind you in the drive through, or for just acknowledging someone’s existence or helping to provide for their basic needs. So friends, let us Love Out Loud!!!

Love Out Loud


Love Out Loud

I remember being a sophomore in college when I discovered my life verse, “Little children, let us love not with words and speech, but in truth and action.” I often hung out in the Student Success offices because I was a commuter and had made friends with the alpha leaders and staff there; it was one one of the computers that I read this verse for the first time and a deep peace resonated within my heart and soul. It was in college that I truly began living out my faith and was brought to do things that I never imagined: changing my major, moving to the East Coast for a few months for a couple summers to serve in a community and culture unlike the one I grew up in. The verse stuck with me and then while I was living in Haiti for three months, it took newer and deeper meaning of God’s love not only for me, but for the sweet orphans that I spent my days with. I could tell these sweet children that I loved them, but to them the words were empty like many other promises that were often broken in their lives. To truly care for these children, I needed to not just love them through kisses and hugs, but to help to provide for their daily and basic needs; water, shelter, and food.


Love is a crazy thing and it allows you to do crazy things out of our overflowing love from Christ. My prayer has always been that God’s love would be pour out to others through my actions. I think this world needs this same love now more than it ever has. So what can we do, what is our call to action.


Ten years later, I work in Student Success and my colleague and I were dialoguing about how can we support local law enforcement and police officers. There was a tragic car accident last night and so he encouraged people to support them, “We need to rise up and let our boys in blue know how much we appreciate and value them. Text or call your law enforcement and first responder friends, let them know.” I was so challenged and convicted by this statement and our conversation. Sometimes if we don’t act upon a moment of motivation, it passes and dies and nothing is accomplished. I was reminded of the tattoo of 1 John 3:18 on my wrist. How do I embody His love? As I was getting ready for bed, a burst of energy came over and I got to the kitchen. I made chocolate covered oreos with cookie butter drizzle and then my heath brownies with honey roasted almonds. I had a late start for work and knew that I need to utilize my few free hours in the morning. There is so much negativity floating around our society today and I was filled with such joy as I dropped off those two different goodies for two different law enforcement offices. They didn’t know my name, I didn’t write a card… I simply passed the items off to another office and whispered my thanks and gratitude for all they do. Police and Fire Departments has come to my rescue throughout my life as my dad worked for public service/government and we’ve been put in unfortunate circumstances, so for me personally I have such gratitude for these men and women who love their community and risk their lives.

How often am I thankful or appreciative of something but fail to actually express said feelings? How often am I embodying God’s love and serving others? My challenge is for you, for us to display our love more through our actions. Through that simple hello and smile to a stranger, to that coworker who needs encouragement, or to that homeless man or person who is hurting. Paying for that strangers meal or Starbucks behind you in the drive through, or for just acknowledging someone’s existence or helping to provide for their basic needs. So friends, let us Love Out Loud!!!

Love Out Loud


Love Out Loud

I remember being a sophomore in college when I discovered my life verse, “Little children, let us love not with words and speech, but in truth and action.” I often hung out in the Student Success offices because I was a commuter and had made friends with the alpha leaders and staff there; it was one one of the computers that I read this verse for the first time and a deep peace resonated within my heart and soul. It was in college that I truly began living out my faith and was brought to do things that I never imagined: changing my major, moving to the East Coast for a few months for a couple summers to serve in a community and culture unlike the one I grew up in. The verse stuck with me and then while I was living in Haiti for three months, it took newer and deeper meaning of God’s love not only for me, but for the sweet orphans that I spent my days with. I could tell these sweet children that I loved them, but to them the words were empty like many other promises that were often broken in their lives. To truly care for these children, I needed to not just love them through kisses and hugs, but to help to provide for their daily and basic needs; water, shelter, and food.


Love is a crazy thing and it allows you to do crazy things out of our overflowing love from Christ. My prayer has always been that God’s love would be pour out to others through my actions. I think this world needs this same love now more than it ever has. So what can we do, what is our call to action.


Ten years later, I work in Student Success and my colleague and I were dialoguing about how can we support local law enforcement and police officers. There was a tragic car accident last night and so he encouraged people to support them, “We need to rise up and let our boys in blue know how much we appreciate and value them. Text or call your law enforcement and first responder friends, let them know.” I was so challenged and convicted by this statement and our conversation. Sometimes if we don’t act upon a moment of motivation, it passes and dies and nothing is accomplished. I was reminded of the tattoo of 1 John 3:18 on my wrist. How do I embody His love? As I was getting ready for bed, a burst of energy came over and I got to the kitchen. I made chocolate covered oreos with cookie butter drizzle and then my heath brownies with honey roasted almonds. I had a late start for work and knew that I need to utilize my few free hours in the morning. There is so much negativity floating around our society today and I was filled with such joy as I dropped off those two different goodies for two different law enforcement offices. They didn’t know my name, I didn’t write a card… I simply passed the items off to another office and whispered my thanks and gratitude for all they do. Police and Fire Departments has come to my rescue throughout my life as my dad worked for public service/government and we’ve been put in unfortunate circumstances, so for me personally I have such gratitude for these men and women who love their community and risk their lives.

How often am I thankful or appreciative of something but fail to actually express said feelings? How often am I embodying God’s love and serving others? My challenge is for you, for us to display our love more through our actions. Through that simple hello and smile to a stranger, to that coworker who needs encouragement, or to that homeless man or person who is hurting. Paying for that strangers meal or Starbucks behind you in the drive through, or for just acknowledging someone’s existence or helping to provide for their basic needs. So friends, let us Love Out Loud!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2016

ABIDE in Me

Abide in Me
John 15

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit [c]of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so [d]prove to be My disciples.  Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” -John 15:4-11

What does it mean to abide? 
Loosely translated to me it means to allow love, goodness, and fruitfulness to flow through the the vine that is Christ. That flowing and connection can produce much fruit and goodness.

Abiding contains three parts: Connection, Dependence, and Residence
1) Connection- connected in salvation, acceptance and baptism. We are connected through the Holy Spirit. I can stay connected by spending time with Him, through prayer and His Word. Our connection is cyclical in that we abide in him and he abides in us.
2) Dependence- True connection of the vine provides sustenance and life. We rely on the vine (God) for life. We are completely dependent on Him for spiritual fruit. He can survive without us, but as the branch we cannot live without being connected to the vine. For us to bear fruit, we must be completely reliant on the vine. The branches do not produce fruit if they are disconnected from the source (the vine).
3) Reside/Stay- To abide means to stay, to reside in His presence not temporarily but permanently. Our relationship with Christ is not simply a one-time fling, but a life long relationship. It is a marriage of love and sacrifice. God sacrificed because of His love. We aren't simply visiting His presence, He beckons us to stay awhile, in fact He asks us to stay a lifetime until we are forever home with Him..

As life becomes monotonous and we go through the motions, He beckons us closer. As the seasons come and go and change, He calls us to stay close because He will help us weather the storm. He simply asks for me to abide because He makes a way.

He made a way indeed these past twelve weeks. Over the past four months, God has revealed so much to me and my word of the year has been abide. In what felt like a spiritual drought for myself a few months ago, God led me into deeper communion with Him. He taught me what it means to abide in Him.

When I first took my job as a buyer in Claremont for a transportation logistics company it was not something I ever saw as permanent. There were hopes of growth but there was continuous management change in my department. I oversaw large accounts and built great relationships within the network, but I don't think I could ever reach my full potential. My strengths could not be utilize or flourish in the way that I believe that they were meant to. So I began seeking and praying to God and began applying for jobs.

As previously mentioned, I felt like there was a lack of spiritual growth in my life during this season and I was challenged to abide in His word. I went to visit a church down in San Diego, and the pastor challenged us to get into the book of John. Each day he challenged us to read one chapter, I like to call it my own 21 day fix. I obliged in the reading because I needed something to draw me closer in my quiet time again, and John 15 stood out to me more so than it ever had. As I completed the 21 days, I went to a women’s conference and a chapter they focused on was John 15 again.

I had been unhappy in my career for sometime and was absent in my own relationship with Christ at times, but I started just digging deeply into His word and prayerfully seeking what to do next.
In December, I spent many long nights after work updating my resume and cover letters and applying to jobs all over. The process alone of juggling two jobs (corporate and then part time as a financial advisor) and then emotionally and mentally applying left and right is quite exhausting.  Well, mid-January I received a call. I had a phone interview and then another in person a week later on my birthday (I gave up social media right before to eliminate distraction and truly seek what He was going to do next). Four more interviews later, I received an offer. In the process of about 6 weeks, I was first overcome with anxiousness and then so much peace. I believe peace is the precursor to joy.
The offer financially was not what I wanted, but the offer for new life was. You see I had just received a 15% raise. The job transition was not only in a completely different field, but taking my new raise into consideration, it was almost a $10,000 pay cut. Yet, I felt peace. God was going to do big things through me. He calls me not only to abide in Him daily, but to allow my finances to abide. He calls me to trust in Him.

I am so thankful for the support system that God has surrounded me with… an amazing small group who prayed and encouraged, a peaceful home filled with two very wise and Christ-seeking women, and a handful of prayerful best friends/mentors who gave me references and provided guidance and blankets of prayer. God had been blessing me in more ways than I knew. When I took on the second job (one year in June), I knew I was skilled as I continued learning and growing in the financial industry. My desire for that job has always been to pay off debt and save more money. I had no idea how God will bless me in this new work field as He gave me new friends (some of which whom I now spend all my time with), but also that I had a talent in financially helping and teaching others. I was just awarded as one of the Top Ten advisors in our office over the past four months. My pace of clientele will not only make up the difference but provide so much more than I ever thought.
Visiting my favorite spot,
Praising God!

So after just over two years in the corporate arena on February 19th, I gave me two weeks notice, cashed out my vacation time and took a week off. Now as I end this twelve week social media fast, I am already embarking on my sixth week as a Success Coach with Azusa Pacific University’s University College. It has been a dream of mine for over seven years to go back and start my career with APU. It has been a dream that I have long held onto and God blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.

First Day (back) at APU
With the pay decrease and job transition, I have saved more money and been blessed financially and spiritually more than I could have ever imagined. God is fulfilling these dreams that I had once whispered to Him in prayer. Another thing that God has been doing is calling me to a new ministry, Leadership USA for Girls. That is not the name but gives you a general idea. A few years ago, I remember hearing about this boy’s leadership camp in Australia and how they were raising young boys/teens into becoming men of God as they prepare to enter adulthood. I asked God, where is the girls’/women’s version of that? It was a simple question and prayer that I quickly let go over because I could have never imagined going to Australia with the time off I had in the corporate arena. Well, God had been working something within my heart over the past six months as I stepped back with several ministries as I was trying to figure out what God wanted me to do next. As I was in a coffee house back in February (one which I rarely go to) I ran into an acquaintance who was meeting with someone about the men’s leadership camp in Australia. I began telling them about how I was leaving my corporate job and they began telling me that there is a girl’s version of the camp in Australia and they then invited me to go. I was shocked and confused and overwhelmed. What? God, are you serious? I began praying. I honestly was quite taken back and overwhelmed by the idea… it was terrifying? And I had so many questions… but I know God had been calling me to something that I didn’t know what that was or when? I have always had a heart for mentoring young women/teens. Less than a week later, I happened to accompany a co-worker to get coffee and there were those two gentlemen again. They had already told me that they had talked to the women’s leadership team about me and that I had to go. Well, long story short… last week I had the time off approved for September. I’ll be taking two weeks off (thanks APU for giving me six weeks of vacation a year!!!) and just purchased my plane ticket to Australia last week (thanks God again for blessing me with a second job I love that provides). Holy Moly God, this is amazing.

If you have made it this far, I thank you sincerely for reading. You may now pass GO and collect $200. Just kidding. But on a serious note, I hope this encourages you to abide in Him and ask yourself what He is calling you too. No dream is too small. Eliminate distractions and get into His Word if you feel distant and surround yourself with an amazing support system of those who love you, encourage you and lift you up in prayer.


Now go out and find and achieve those God-sized dreams...

Sunday, March 6, 2016

Dedicated to the Lord

Dedicated to the Lord


Last night at church they had baby dedications during the service. It was so beautiful to see parents committing their children to the Lord. The Pastor talked about the story of Hannah and how she prayed and prayed for a child and that if she was given one that she would dedicate him completely to the Lord.
He answered her prayer and she gave birth to a son, whom she named Samuel. When Samuel was born, Hannah prayed these words:
"For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord." -1 Samuel 1:27-28


Then is Luke 2, we also see that when Jesus was born that he was dedicated to the Lord.


The pastor talked about how one of these babies could be a pastor, a teacher, a firefighter, or someone who changes the world. It was beautiful thing.

If you are a parent and believer of Christ, are you truly prepared for where God will guide your child? He could call them to Haiti or Peru, maybe both, to a life of corporate world, maybe to life as a stay at home parent, or singleness, maybe even to being a receptionist or construction worker. When we commit our children (future for me) to the Lord, can we truly release them into God's safety and love? Do we realize the commitment being professed in that?

I was once dedicated to the Lord, actually baptized in small Lutheran church by tradition. My parents and godparents stood before the church and dedicated me to the Lord. I am sure my parents had the best of intentions for my life.


But my life hasn’t turned out the way that they wanted it, my life has been marked by truly following the Lord because God has truly captured my heart and I have sought to follow where He guides.


After church tonight I was once again reminded that the path of following God can often times be marked with human heartbreak and disappointment. I offered to take my parents to dinner, I had big news for them. My mom offered to make dinner, a family dish that I had been craving. It was a kind offering. I was extremely nervous and excited to share my news with them. To her sadness, I was not announcing I was in a relationship and had a boyfriend.


I arrived at their home after church and my dad was not home, he decided to go watch the fight at a local restaurant. So I told my mom the big news, I had left my corporate job and had gotten a dream job. For about 8 years I have desired to be on staff at my alma mater, a private Christian university. Application after application and a few interviews over the years had led to no success, but something in my heart new that one day I would go back. After I completed grad school, I knew that God had something bigger for my life than the corporate environment.


Well, once telling my mom the news she then bombarded me with questions about my income and what I would be making. I kindly told her that it did not matter and that I was happy and that it really was not her business. I told her I am okay and the benefits are great. She confessed that their investment in helping paying for my education was not paying out for them as they are still paying off some of my student debt. I am paying off that debt still as well. She told me that they had dreams of me making $70-100k a year and to help them their own debts.
As much as I knew a conversation like this would happen, my heart still felt disappointment. I had known that I would need to separate myself from the outcome of the conversation because I cannot control their reaction, even if I understood it. Yet once again I felt that I had not measured up for them. I spent two years working in a corporate environment and as much as I loved the people I worked with, I did not love the demand or stress, some of the constant management changes within my department. My department was moving towards a more commission based environment, highly focused on sales, and highly competitive. All things that are not who I am.


I know that the path God has me on is the correct one, that my decision to follow Him into this new field will be blessed. While it makes the understanding and decision easier, the human feeling of failure in my parents’ eyes is not easy. I fought back tears as I ate dinner and left shortly thereafter. My mom hugged me goodbye and congratulated me, but it didn’t feel sincere. I know that there intentions and hopes for me, are the hopes of most parents have for their children; hopes and dreams for success.


During that encounter my small group had sent this unknowingly:

It was what I needed to see in that moment after.
It wasn’t until I text my small group what had happened and asked for them to pray for me, that hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot. They encouraged and supported me.


“God IS  for you. That’s all the matters.”


“Follow where God is calling you and you will be blessed.”


“You can’t worry about pleasing others. As harsh as it sounds, that includes your parents. God has a plan for you and this job is a step in that direction.”


“All things work together… Remember that. It’s hard when parents don’t see eye to eye with us, but keep your eyes on Him.”


One of the women continually reminds me that I am “clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” (Proverbs 31:25)


I called one of my best friends and mentors and lamented the story with her. She has been a huge support system for me over the few years of our friendship and she knows my parents behavior well. She just said, “I don’t understand your parents.” I don’t as well, but I am so thankful the encouraging women and church friends that I am continually supported and surrounded by.


So all I can continue doing is praying for them, praying to continue staying on the path, and knowing that this journey will make me better parent when that day comes. I ask that you pray for them too.


"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."  -Deuteronomy 6: 5-9