A Glimpse of Mi Vida...

It started with a missions trip to Camden, where my life and perspective were changed and where this blog began. Life has been a roller coaster filled with its ups and downs and I'm excited for the adventure and discovering what God has in store, even though I really dislike roller coasters... I am a Lady in Waiting...

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Little Boy in the Distance

As I mentioned previously, last week during my therapy session was emotionally rough as I poured my heart out and cried out in anger and bitterness and disappointment. But Jesus met me there and there was just peace that just washed over. I knew that the healing was just beginning and the battle was not yet over, but there was such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and a peace that rested onto my shoulders.

This week, I told my therapist about an interaction that I had with my father just two days after last week's session. He interrupted me, talked at me and just didn't want to hear what I had to say. His "conversation" quickly escalated and angry words spewed out, his tone and voice got loud. I stayed calm, I didn't fight or argue, I stayed calm and stood my ground. These interactions are so exhausting and they are straining what we have left of a relationship. As the talk ended, I exited the house and headed to my girl's bible study.

I praise God that I am surrounded by great women and best friends who continually lift me up and prayer and provide comfort.

This week in therapy, we had the same exercise. I closed my eyes and relived the situation. I felt a peace wash over as I talked and relized the incident. We then invited Jesus into the room and prayed for Him to carry the burdens of disappointment. We prayed for him to reveal any images, sounds, smells, or anything. I felt His Presence again, sitting next to me, grasping my fingers and felt the strength of His love. I felt a deep sense of comfort. Then it was like a the sky was painted with dark beautiful colors. There were so many images and things going on, but in the distance I could see a wee little boy. I believe the vision of a boy under a tree was a representation of my dad. He is a little boy, craving for attention and craving to be heard and seen. Quite like the little girl that is deep within me, that is just kicking and screaming for her daddy to love her. I realized that as the little girl grows, she becomes aware of the reality that she has to be an adult.

We prayed for peace, and healing, and forgiveness and to find the strength to continue to walk on this journey. I prayed for God to continue to reveal things to me this week.

She posed a question for me to reflect on this week:

What am I willing to let go of?

I know that I need to mourn the loss of my expectations for my relationship with him. I need to die to my expectations. I am learning that forgiveness is dying to the threshold and stepping int what God has for me.

I have to die to the expectation that he will ever be honest, die to the idea that he can change.

I have to remember that God was and is the perfect Father and He even has children that rebel.

Please pray for me as I discover what I need to die to? What things I need to let go of?

Lord, I pray that my identity is not found in my earthly family. I am thankful for my loving church family. I pray that my identity is found in you. I pray that I realize that I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, Jesus already did that and I don't have to hold it all together. It is not my responsibility- Jesus can bare that burden.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33

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