A Thanksgiving Plea
For those of you out there reading this and that know me very well, know that Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday because of my family. I write this currently with hot tears streaming down my cheeks.
For years, I spent my mornings serving the homeless and serving at church and each year I would give my family my schedule and each year they would eat without me. The worst was the year that by the time I got home, they ate all of the leftovers. It's pretty sad.
Right now, my dad is lecturing my mom about not jumping into conversations to tell him to stop screaming and yelling at me. I can, not so quietly, hear him say that they never see me because I come and go. Yet he has not come to me to apologize or say anything.
To be honest, the way I cope with not being verbally and emotionally attacked is to not be home. I work a corporate job from 6am to at least 3pm every day and then my afternoons are filled with physical therapy, church, bible studies and just anything I can do to not be around my dad.
We just got in a fight. Happy Thanksgiving to me.
I was on a call earlier and he came into my room to throw mail on my bed, as the tvs in all rooms were loudly on and I was intently trying to listen to the person on the other line, I put one finger up as if to say... ssh one minute. Although no actual words came from my mouth as he swung the door open to enter.
Apparently that set him off and about ten minutes later he moved closer and closer, screaming and yelling more and more loudly. I am rude, seems to be the constant theme. When I ask him to calm down or lower his voice, it only increases the volume. As I try to apologize or explain that he misunderstood my gesture, more mud gets slung my way. I don't know that he can honestly hear anything I have to say.
Years of this type of explosive abuse... the "memories" come rushing back as I try to stay calm and not react. My voice often increases to match his and the cycle continues. I've overcome a lot of pain, hurt, and abuse this year and don't often engage him. But he has started drinking and it only adds lighter fluid to the resentful fire burning within his heart towards me.
This is the second interaction in less than two weeks and I am now taking this as God's slight pull to get out and move to a safe place.
Sometimes I think God can rattle our cages as a way for us to wake up, not that I have done anything wrong but He wants me to wake up to other possibilities.
The reason I live at home, as a 27 year old woman is that I went to a very expensive Christian school and with the exception of paying rent, I pay all my own bills. I am currently doing was Dave Ramsey likes to call snowballing.
So I ask that you pray for me, first and foremost.
Pray that I can find a new living situation swiftly and quickly.
I have a very limited amount of resources and not many financial options.
I make a great roommate. I love Jesus. Am pleasant to be around and can often make you laugh. I love to cook and am told I am a great baker. I can afford some rent, which I'd love to discuss if you have options.
My goal is to be honestly be out by Christmas. I have knee surgery scheduled the day after Christmas and this is not a healthy environment to find any sort of healing or a place where I can recover in a healthy and safe environment. Nor a place where helping me won't be held over my head down the road.
Pray for Satan to stop using my dad as his mouthpiece to whisper, scream, and yell lies at me.
I pray my parent's find Jesus and develop a relationship with Him. I pray to hold on the truths of Chris, that I am His and that
I pray to survive thru lunch with my parents. If I can even manage to make it thru that, I already have dinner with another family calling my name. But I don't want to entirely not be with my parents, deep down I'm just a little girl desiring for her parents to love.
Pray that the tears happen less and less and that my heart, mind, and soul become stronger and stronger as I continue to cling to God.
I pray to remember how Sovereign God is thru this all.
I am thankful for the ability to write and I am thankful for those of you reading this right now and those of you that I already know are praying and will hold my hand thru this process.
If you would like to offer encouragement, resources, or anything, please email me at: