Rr = Realization

R is for Realization

I sat there, with tear stained cheeks on that red couch and let out a prayer. My emotions were coming at me in waves over the past few days. Now I sat there with maybe six hours of sleep and I began praying and then the tears flowed down my cheeks. I didn't understand how it had happen nor had I ever expected it, but here I was early in the morning. I came to the realization that I was in love...




...in love with the city of Cusco. In love with the country of  Peru.

A night or two before my roommate asked me, how are you liking Peru? She had been to Peru on travels of her own three times and I got see the love in her eyes and through her smile. I've mentioned more than once that I thought my heart had always been for the inner-city of the United States but then here I was in Peru by God's grace. I was slowly coming to discover that my desire and love wasn't for the inner-city but is for those in impoverished areas, for those in need of God's love.

As I prayed for the city that morning, I also prayed for our missionaries Ricky and Tracie, and I prayed for our "one life" and his family. The tears began to flow down my cheeks and that confirmed what had been stirring up in my heart and head. The tears confirmed my attachment and love for Peru.

But also I was falling more and more in love with God, my Prince of Peace. As I cried, I opened my devotional and read my love letter for the day.

This place has just captured my heart. Knowing the kids come from broken homes and just desire to be loved, breaks my hearts. Things like verbal and sexual abuse happen, drug and alcohol abuse is so prevalent yet goes unspoken though you know it exists. It was like that in my house, the drug, alcohol, verbal, and emotional abuse was affecting who I am and was causing me to fight for my life... that fight brought me closer to God. I was able to find family and parents and brothers and sisters in the church. Yet the abuse went unspoken because if it was ever whispered I feared of what would happen. They were in pain and lashing out, and I was in pain for the fear that they striked in me if I ever told. But my testimony (my letter T) is so important to share because people can relate and I can be God's love letter to the people. My life and the way I live it is God's love letter and testimony of His love and grace, of His desire for me to know I am His daughter and that I am loved beyond all measure.

I had my struggles in Peru, but they caused me to fight harder like I did in my youth. The language barrier challenged me to try and work harder to connect and make an impact. It's like the Beatles' song, "All You Need is LOVE". Love is all they need. To get a hug, for someone to play with them, to give them attention. Love is all they need.

I left Peru knowing that I must come back. Now I face the crazy emotions of the things that went on in Peru and working through and processing them. I will write more of those things at a later time. I am praying through all of this change that  I feel is in progress and I am also praying about going back to Peru next summer. I ask that you pray for me as well and pray over the things that I have mentioned, but most important pray for our missionaries, Ricky, Tracie, Jorge and their families.

Thank you.
:D

"He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of job." -Job 8:21