A Free Fall

Fall is now upon us again this year... for southern California that doesn't mean much as we hope for cooler weather and some rain- but we will take it gladly.

For me the fall season has always been hard because I think of how difficult the past few falls have been. Just over a year ago (a year ago actually this past Saturday, October 20th) I was fired from my job. It was a "backwards blessing" as I whispered on a friend's shoulder as a cried and hyperventilated at the thought of having lost my financial resource. I had hated my job and had been working there for almost a year in a half- I hated it because it was changing who I was as a person. I began to be bitter and stressed and had anxiety and panic attacks on numerous occasions. I worked in a very non-Christian environment and was constantly yelled at, made fun of, or just given work upon work. You might ask, why did you do this job, why didn't you just quit? I had prayed about it and I couldn't quit- I had respnosiblities and bills to pay... but I would begin to be diligent in prayer for change, but also in my job search. I honestly prayed that I would find another job or that I would be fired. Fired I was for unjustified reasons and as hard as that was... deep down I knew that God had a plan. He reassured me of that the week after I was let go because I had four job interviews already lined up. None of them panned out but God was showing me to trust in His plans. I filed for unemployment and was denied, went to court about it and my old employer and supervisor lied to the judge. I was devastated... but I knew God had something in store. So I prayed and volunteered. There was one point for about a month or two that I was volunteering 40-60 hours a week at my church. I feel in love with doing outreach- local and global. I was asked to go to Haiti, after much prayer I said yes. I began to co-lead a team of 17 individuals.
I was applying for 20 jobs a week at least and I had $100 to my name- I had drained my savings paying for bills. Then I got two interviews after applying through an alumni career network. I went in for an interview at a church- they interviewed me twice that day. Then I interviewed at least three more times that week and I was hired. I was now the church administrator of an awesome church in LA. Now I've been there 7 months and am so happy. I have begun working with youth as well... on a volunteer basis and am so in love with these kids and this ministry. I am a leader of a small group and within a young adult ministry.

I went to Haiti and fell in love with the people there- I fell even more in love with God. I feel in love with a little boy named Gilbert (my Gilbie) and I was re-baptized as I reaffirmed my faith and commitment to Christ after what had been a rocky few months. I was baptized in the Caribbean.

Fall has always been difficult, from losing my job, being devastated and depressed. The year before within a month period of October- I was hit and run by a drunk driver and had to pay a $500 deductible... money which I didn't have and am still paying for in paying credit card debt. Then a month later, my car lost control on a freeway on ramp as I was going 30 mph and I was slammed into the guardrail. Looking back I can't think of how blessed I am to not only be alive, but blessed by the people who have surrounded me and encouraged me during these difficult times.

This past Saturday- instead of feeling sadness or of having sad memories of this time last year- I celebrated. I gathered with a group of wonderful women to have brunch and talk about the sweetness of the Lord. I think back on all of the wonderful things that God has done and has been doing. I can't help but think He has some amazing things in store for me... that He has someone for me and that He has more amazing things He wants me to do and to take part of. So instead of falling back into the past... I fall... free fall into the unknown, but can't help but know that my Author knows and has control and has the best life and future planned for me. I do not live for anyone but Him- my audience is for One... the One and He lives in me.

"It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me." 

-Galations 2:20

"Come then, my beloved,

My lovely one, come.

For see, winter is past,

The rains are over and gone.

Flowers are appearing on the earth.

The season of glad songs has come,

The cooing of the turtledove is hear in our land.

The fig tree is forming its first figs

and the blossoming vines give out their fragrance.

Come then, my beloved,

my lovely one, come."

-Song 2:10-13