I feel like I'm pretty open, at least in this forum of writing/journaling/blogging. It seems to be an outlet for me to express myself and process the things I am learning and going through.
Most people who have met me or have seen me live life would never know that I have experienced some traumatic verbal and emotional abuse for most of my life. Heartbreaking neglect and hurtful and harsh words thrown at me from my parents, the people that are suppose to love and accept me most. For the longest time, I held it in. I surrounded myself in busyness and burying this deep heartache and pain because no one could know. It was the lie I believed. I felt unloved and unlovable.
Well, today I sat across from my therapist like I do every Monday. We talked about my week and the things I had learned, the frustrations, and what I was looking forward to coming up. My therapist wanted to go over my goals that we set towards the beginning of when we first began meeting. Mainly e beginning of my time. She told me our session tonight marked 27 weeks. My lucky number, my age, my golden year. I have never missed a session because my heart for change, healing, progress, and love was so great
As she read through my short-term and medium term goals. I had met each one, some of which exceed in progress in leaps and bounds. My long-term goals are a work in progress... working on complete forgiveness, acceptance, and respect for my parents and family relationships.
She talked about how I had two options:
1) To stop our sessions where we were.
2) To make new goals and continue working together.
I told her 1 was not an options at all and needed to be taken off the table.
I can't help but be so overjoyed. I have found so much peace, forgiveness and healing. I have gained so much confidence and self-worth and self-love. I have deepened my relationship with Christ and others along this journey and am so thankful that Christ has been there through this whole process. I am thankful to CCV for having the opportunity for me to seek help during some dark sorrows and heartaches and to have someone who walked alongside me in the journey. I am thankful for the opportunity to be vulnerable, unfiltered, to laugh, and to cry. I am loved and lovable.
I am so thankful for this journey and to continue to see change in my life and relationships and am excited to see what the next days, weeks, and months look like.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.