A Different Direction

I literally cannot believe what I am going to write for you...

These past four months have really rocked my world to a truly unbelievable point, which is where I currently am.

As most of us know, the economy has truly ben a rollar coaster that is headed and on a downturn that makes your heart jump and drop at the same time where you almost cannot catch you breath or scream and that is how I feel...

I lost my job a little over a month ago and it completely rocked my world, everything I had done and worked hard for and knew for the past three months was gone. Now three months... that seems like a small time frame, but consider that I spent forty hours there a week beginning the two days after graduation and now everything I seemed to know and had worked for was gone. Consider it a disconnect from the culture and the people as well as lack of commitment that was desired and a splash of economy and the biggest blessing I could have ever been given, not to thank them but to really thank GOD!!! [THANK YOU, GOD!!!]

I was devastated at first, part of my identity lied in working even if it was just for three months, it was everything I did and day in and day out. And now I had free time and no money lined up. It was a huge hit finanacially to lose that income and I'm still somewhat scrpaing to stay afloat and alive. But there is so much I have to tell you about the amazingness of God...

I started applying for jobs and unemployment immediately, unemployment which was later denied, oh well. I have more misses that hits with job, there just isn't anything out there. I found a job nannying through Megan that is twice a week and have had a job interview with a church in Glendale (which I had yesterday)... a great thing is that when I began working at my last job I began putting about 20% of my money away, so now I am living off of that with a few cutbacks of eating out and such and it'll last until the end of summer. The idea that I would be able to survive until the end of the summer, got me thinking about Camden more and more obviously... and about two weeks after losing my job I began praying and considering the possibility of going to Camden for the whole summer with my team. I could not believe I didn't consider it sooner...

Through prayer and lots of talks with my parents and friends and mentors and through some amazing signs through God,

I WILL BE GOING TO CAMDEN FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER!!!

If you like to hear the story of how God brought me to this decision let me know...

So now however, I must raise some more money which I think will totally happen, but I need your help through prayer and financial help...

I am so excited for this summer and for my team and am so excited for what God has in store for us and to be reunited with the kids and some of the interns and that I will be sharing this experience with so amazing girls I have selected and have begun training these past few months.


My amazing team and beautiful girls.

We will be leaving in two months and be away for two months as well and I cannot wait to share my experiences with you! :)

I am so excited to really just experience true community and love and to continue working with Urban Promise... this will really be my last opportunity to spend this much time there because I will be finishing my last five graduate classes and be done with my master's and jumping into the "real world" and finding out and figuring out what I want to do with my life...

Keep in touch and keep reading.

Have a wonderful weekend! Love you all.

And I'm Back...

It has been about four months and a lot has happen since then...

I came back from Camden and it was hard, as always. It still is hard and I miss everyone so much and think about Camden all the time. I am trying to keep up my relationship with people I've met there.

I started my last semester at APU!!! And graduated on December 13th, 2008 with my Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration and a minor in Leadership Studies.




Above is a picture of me after the ceremony... so excited and happy. And then also a photo of me and Dr. Wallace (Jon), the President of my university.

I got to travel to Boston for my boss' wedding back in October. I had been helping plan the wedding for several months and so he flew me out to Boston to help with and attend the wedding. When in Rome... or Boston... or basically the East Coast... I decided to rent a car and drive to Camden the day after the wedding. How could I not when I was only six hours away?


I spent Sunday until early early Thursday morning. Molly came back for the year internship, so I stayed with her and her housemates in the brick house for those four days. I got to see my camp kids and spend time with the streetleaders and lots of time with Molly and it was just so amazing to be back and living in community again. Also I got to see how they run the year-round programming.

Guess what... I'm going back to Camden again...

I mean... really, it's no surprise. You had to see that coming. In a random circumstance of events and meetings, I am now the leader of the Camden Summer Missions Team from APU. I will be preparing them for the internship this summer and it is so exciting and a little bit scary (I am there leader...haha). I am so excited to really get to share my experience with these girls (we still need some guys on the team...) and to have them hopefully fall in love with Camden like I have.

I am working full-time now... as well. Thank you God and experiences of APU... I work for a non-profit missions company full-time. It reminds me a lot of Camden and Urban Promise. Because of my new job and other responsibilities of adulthood, I will not be returning to Camden as a summer intern, but doing just as I did this past summer and staying for a few weeks! I am excited either way however!!!

That is all for now. Please keep checking for future updates and any other exciting news Camden related!!!

Love,
j.

Mixed emotions keeping up once again... so just LOVE...

It’s 1am…

I’ve been having trouble going to bed at a reasonable time lately… but that’s not the purpose of my writing. I am still learning and processing everything that happenened in Camden not only recently, but from last year. I have learned so much about God and myself within the past year and have changed my views about of lot of things and I have tried to become a new and better person because of the people I’ve met and the things I’ve learned.

I’m sitting here in the home I’ve lived in for six years now. In Southern California where I’ve spent my whole life… where I was born, raised, have grown up, and just where I have created a lot of memories… yet… I feel at a loss. At times I feel like a huge part of me is missing and that piece is back in Camden. It’s crazy that I feel so much love in a place that is 3,000 miles away. Sometimes I just want to cry out of sadness and loneliness and then sometimes I want to cry praises and joys for everything. I think that Camden broke me and there are bits and pieces of me that are still broken, yet Camden also filled that brokenness with so much love. It filled it with God’s love… his unconditional, steadfast love. He taught me how to love… to love myself, him, my kids, and just complete strangers. I’ve mentioned the community of Camden in a few of my blogs and maybe the words on this page could not bring justification to the joy I’ve felt because of that love. Listen to my words and look at me as I talk about this love and you’ll see my face light up, I’ve heard people tell me that, but I can feel the joy in my face… if that even makes sense.

I am experiencing a culture shock which is weird to even say because I did mission work in the United States. I love my life. I lived a very blessed life, but another part of me feels heartache for my kids who hear gunshots at night or don’t know what they are going to eating; my kids who live in a broken home, a home with no love, or a home where they have no role models. How do I find the balance? What can I do?

I want to just share my story and my experience with anyone and everyone, but half the time I can’t even get two minutes with someone. I don’t want the love to end in Camden… I want it continue, but I don’t feel it at home. It’s different here. There is love here at home, but it’s not the same. Is it wrong that I want to build another Urban Promise out here to recreate that love? That isn’t the only reason why, but of course. I’ve seen the great things happening in Camden and there is just as great of a need out here in Azusa or even Los Angeles.

I’ll just stop here because I feel that I’ll just continue to paint more and more repetitive circles around myself and I don’t even know if I’m making sense.

So I just ask you to pray because at this point, that’s all I can do because I don’t have any answers… but maybe it’s better to not have any answers.

Want to help me? Listen, respond, react, and just love. Love God, Love Yourself, and Love Each Other. Help and Serve One Another. Love by lending a listening ear, don’t bottle things up inside, love with a smile, a long embrace or hug. Love my looking into one another’s eyes and try to gain an understanding how each other is feeling. Love because God showed us how to love and love just because.

Love.
j

Monday, July 21st.... My Last Day in Camden

Monday, July 21st, 2008

MY LAST DAY…

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Here I go God, give me the strength to make it through today!
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I got to camp and did breakfast in both rooms. First with Raf and Tony since they were going to be leaving with baseball camp and then I spent some time with Karles and Dayna.

I asked the girls if we were going to be going out for Bible Buddies and they said yes. Then Karles held onto my arm for about 5-10 minutes pleading with me to stay and I told her, “I don’t want to leave”, but that I have responsibilities and a family back home to return to. [Although Camden is one of the families I belong to and hope to forever be apart of]. At one point Dayna asked why Karles still was holding onto my arm and she said she couldn’t let go just yet. Part of me wished she wouldn’t let go and I’d have to stay- a huge part of me wished that.

We went upstairs for opening program and as ours ended we were joined by Camp Freedom. There had been some scheduling issues with the buses and so we extended our program and did more songs and another long skit- everything was so AWESOME! It was amazing to see our two camps come together- there was so much energy in that room. We then headed to the park (which I nicknamed “Glass Park” because of the glass everywhere). The camp kids played kickball, but I stuck behind on the sidelines with Cyani.

Sad Side Story:

One of the Camp Freedom boys had an ankle bracelet on because he was busted for selling drugs. This boy was basically on house arrest or city arrest for selling drugs in South Camden.

Think about that…

This child of God had no way out that he saw and he began dealing drugs. How sad is that? A mere child between the age of 10-13 years old.

This is reason alone for programs and relationships built by Urban, to capture these kids hears and fill them with God’s love and give them hope of a fighting chance to survive the “beautiful struggle” they live and are born into.

After camp I took the kids bus back to downtown Camden and walked with Karles and her little sister Asyria back to their house so they could make sure they could go and Dayna was going to meet us at their house. Their mom said yes and the girls thought it was because she didn’t want them in the house because last year she wouldn’t let them go.

We bought our train tickets (five-something for four of us), boarded the train and headed to Riverton. We got off 4 stops later and arrived at the old fashioned ice cream parlor- which was closed for another half an hour so we walked to the park and hung out. Then we walked to the parlor and the girls picked what the wanted and we ate our amazing sundaes and hung out. We then bought more tickets for the train ad headed back to Camden.

We got back and we hugged and said our goodbyes or rather the I’ll see you again one day. We parted at the “fork” in the road and I began walking toward the bus stop. About every few steps the girls would shout out “Bye Miss Jenn, we’ll miss you” and they did this about five times and I’d wave goodbye until they were out of sight (but never out of my mind). I hopped on the “405” city bus and eared up a little as I waited for my stop.

I got back to Urban at about 4pm and hung out for a bit. I was going to spend my last camp night at Eastside. I then found out that Spirit was going to the Camden Baseball game with my Camp Grace. I went up to my room to pack some more and left for the game when Sean called me to tell me we were leaving. I got on the bus with the Spirit interns and their 7th and 8th grade boys.

The stadium wasn’t even halfway full, but we had a great time just laughing and hanging out (me, Sean, and Jenny). The about halfway through the game the three of us and Krista, Steph, and Katie went and walked around the waterfront for an hour. We were basically in two’s when walking and talking and Steph and I talked about ourselves and the kids and relationships for about an hour.

We got back and as we were getting ready to leave I got to see Raf and hug him and walk with him and say goodbye. I said goodbye to Garrett and James as well.

By the time we got back it was too late to go to Friendlys and so I said some of my goodbyes. I hugged Kumarr and Mike and then we didn’t have much time to hang out before curfew so me, Me-Linh, and Sarah went into the other room, lights off, sat on the floor in a circle and held hands and prayed. It was what I needed and what I had asked for. So we held hands and I listened and then closed the prayer circle with snivels and lots of tears streaming down my face.

We all migrated to the Brick House and shortly after that they boys left- it was hard because I didn’t get to have nice individual goodbyes and lots of hugs because their ride back to their place was waiting. The girls and Gibby hung out and we had a “round-table” 20 questions game and then Me-Linh and I went back to my room across the street and talked and listened to Paul Stephen’s cd and I finished writing letters and packing.

I finally went to bed at 1am and was up at 4:30am to shower. Gibby and I left for the airport at 5am. We, of course (with Gibby driving… haha) got lost and made it to the Philly airport by 6am. It wouldn’t have been normal if we had made it straight there and not driven around the streets of downtown Philly.

I cried a few times with tiny tears in the airport and slept most of the 6 hour ride back home because sleeping made it easier to deal with leaving the place I feel most at home and feel an unconditional love…

Sunday, July 20th... Two Days Left

Sunday, July 20th, 2008

Two days left… until I head back to California…

Today we woke up nice and early for choir yet again. We went to a church in Stanton Island, New York. We actually got there in less than two hours- although I had felt pretty sick the whole ride up.

As we waited to start our rehearsal Soley and I sat together and we gave each other a long hug and my eyes began to water until Soley broke the moment without realizing it and said, “I wonder what’s for lunch?” We both laughed and the moment was thankfully gone, but then we looked at each other and she realized that I had been having an emotional moment and she felt bad she broke it. But it’s okay because it was too early to begin crying or to start crying at all.

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Actually the night before I had tearfully talked to God and I thanked him and praised him for bringing me back to Camden and for everything happening and moving in Camden. I cried because I was sad, but also because I was happy- yet another mix of emotions. I remembered how emotional I was for my last Sunday service last year and how I could not stop crying. So I prayed for strength to make it through my last two days- to be strong and to not be an emotional basketcase... and he pulled me through…
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We practiced our songs a few times, worked through some difficulties and adapted to the on-the-spot changes. Cleve can be so funny sometimes, but after last summer and last week when you have choir with Cleve you learn to roll with the punches, especially when in the middle of practice Cleve asks Sean to play “Taste and See” on the piano on the spot. Sean went right along after a short hesitation- I was proud, haha.

Practice went really good and we learned a new song in Malawian. We finished practice about 15 minutes before the service was to start and members started filing in.

The coolest thing about the service was that it was the new location of an Urban Promise. Urban Promise Stanton Island. The service went well- several of us even put in donations for the church. I put some cash in as well as wrote a check for this new and struggling church, but I could feel God work and moving and blessing this church. They also announced that camp was now free for kids for the rest of the summer- Praise God! Choir did really well and Kareem’s Bible Rap was precious. Afterward we had pizza for lunch and headed back to Urban.

On the long ride back we had a jam secession once Sean pulled out the ipod speakers. It was fun just to find comfort in the presence of others, especially since I would be living soon.

After we got back I went to my room and listened to some worship music, cried a little, and wrote some of my intern goodbye letters. I changed quickly and looked out the window and saw that everyone was loading up in the van and so I ran down the stairs to catch the van to leave for Sunday service. We were leaving a little bit earlier that I was originally told, so thing I caught the van.

They served salad at dinner! Yay! haha. We (Eastside Interns) love us some salad, especially Sean’s yummy salad. I spent time with Erin Main while the interns broke into cell groups. We then went into service and I cried a little during the service but Me-Linh pulled me through considering how I felt. I felt like crying, but didn’t want to and God helped me hold it together. The less tears the better, but the tears really began flowing when I gave Courtney a long goodbye hug… more like three long goodbye hugs.

We got back and we hung out for a bit and because the Brick House was so hot Me-Linh stayed in my room and we stayed up talking until 1am and then we both figured it was time for bed since we had camp in the morning.

Blessings Poured Out TODAY... 7/19/08

Saturday, July 19th, 2008

It’s our “DAY OFF”!

About 15 of the interns went on the Saturday trip to the beach and then some stayed at their intern houses. At about 10am eight of us went to the Loews Theater and saw the “Dark Knight”. I was so BA, pardon my French. It was really good and there was so much to discuss about it because so much went on in the movie and there was a lot to talk about it in regards to biblical reference as well.

Afterward, Mary and I prepared some leftovers for lunch and then Sean, me, and Mary had Bob drop us off in Philly. Sean had some friends who were going to be in Philly for the day and so we didn’t want to roast out in the sun all day at the beach and I had been wanting to go to Philly at least one day during my visit and Mary was up for hanging out we all wondered down Market Street. We went and saw the Liberty Bell and then we went and hung out in the park next to Independence Hall for about two hours and read and listened to music off of Sean’s Ipod. Also we watched a woman feed the birds (Mary Poppin’s anyone? Or Home Alone?!).

We then met up with Sean’s friend and Mary bought us all smoothies and we sat and talked in the park for about 45 minutes and then Sean’s friends left and we headed back to Urban Promise.

I love spending time with Sean and Mary. They have truly blessed my life.
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As Christians and followers of Christ we are called to serve on another and help those in need so as we were walking down Market Street, we stopped to talk to this parapalegic man sitting on the sidewalk with his two canes. Mary gave Orlando a banana and we just talked to him about what we were doing in Philly and about LA and we just listened to his story. While there I found a city paper and the headline was, “Who will pray for Camden?” As we stood there talking to this nice man, I just thought, I will pray for Camden. Sean and Mary will pray for Camden. The interns will pray for Camden and my church will pray for Camden. We as Christian and followers of Christ must pray for Camden because we are called to serve each other, we are called to serve our neighbors whether they are close or far from us. While we were talking to Orlando this man behind us called Sean and I over and so we walked over and met this man named Eddie. Eddie offered us some money thinking that we were missionaries and were out wandering and serving the city. Which made me think, no matter where we go, aren’t we serving if we are showing God’s love and giving a listening ear to a stranger. Eddie told us how God has blessed his life although he’s struggled, and how he has learned to share what riches he does have with others and to spread the love. In that moment I was just like wow, how great is God that he would have someone with less things than I (not to say that someone "lesser" would serve me, but that someone who has really struggled and been homeless would still offer up what little he has to a stranger because they were in need... like WOW!) be someone that would speak into my life. God surprises you and teaches and shows you things when you least expect it and when you lend a listening ear. We went back and continued talking with Mary and Orlando and then Eddie came over and offered Orlando some fruit. True giving and love in that moment. True sacrifice and truly all done through God's love.

Just... WOW.

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On the city bus back “home”, we met a woman (who we never got her name) and we began talking to her about how we were headed back to Camden and she told us about herself and about how her fiancé was killed on the streets and how she had just recently had everything she owned stolen (she is homeless) including her Bible that she loved. She talked about God and about how to protect yourself on the streets. When she said she no longer had a Bible, I wished I had had my Bible with me to give to her. As much as my Bible meant to me, if I would have had it the idea that it could serve someone like it had served me brought me to a point I have never experienced. To give something that I treasure to another person because maybe they needed it more that I ever would and just the idea of giving up of something to someone else just because, without any questions asked. As the woman got ready to exit the train, I said a silent prayer and Mary gave her, her little Bible. After she got off the train the three of us talked about how we all wanted to give our Bible to this woman because she was so sweet and caring and how we wanted her to have God’s word with her always.

Our day in Philly was just amazing, I learned and experienced so much in those few hours we spent there.

FRIDAY!!! July 18th, 2008...

Friday, July 18th, 2008

Since I only have two camp days left in Camden, I spent today at Camp Grace. Today was “Capture the Flag” so more than half our kids were missing and after the kids playing the tournament left, we had less than twenty kids left so we had a hang out day. I gave some money and we bought snacks for later. We took all of the kids upstairs after breakfast and they hung out and played games. We had chess, Connect 4, pool, Wii, an airhockey table, and a pool table. So we just hung out and played with the kids for two hours. I taught Asyria (Karles’ sister) how to play pool and she was pretty good.






Today was the last day of my picture… my camera died and I have failed to find a charger. So there will be some picture stealing to complete my time. Haha.

I went back to UP after camp and hung out with Sean and the kids and did walk homes.

Tonight was Staff Night and so I spent it with Camp Spirit and we all loaded up in the mini bus and headed to Applebees for dinner. Our group had about 25 people and we ended up going to Friendly’s to have dinner because they could accommodate us. Sean and I shared a salad and we (our end of the table; me, Sean, Dana, and Jenny) just talked about anything and everything, especially about how God continues to work and surprises us. I love those moments of stories and sharing and that continued building of community.

After we got back to UP we just hung out and ended up watching Aladdin upstairs.