I think since middle school I have felt the desire to be accepted like most kids and students. In middle school, there were no uniforms so you were allowed to dress however you wanted. Thinking back, uniforms made things easy because I never had to worry about what to wear because the selection was so few… those were simpler times. Now I can hardly decide, not only because I have more than enough but also because deep down there is that desire to feel accepted. What will catch someone’s attention, make me look prettier, thinner, stand out, whatever. Coming from a middle class family, we always had the necessities and the occasional wants but my necessities were the basics for school and clothes. I am a Walmart and Kmart girl, born and raised. So while I was spending maybe $15 dollars on a pair of jeans, my classmates had several pairs of at least $50 jeans and tops and everything. In high school, things only got worse because dating and dances and social classes decided to become involved. I knew that my parent struggled financially and worked very hard for everything we had, so I was lucky if I got a $100 budget for clothes and school supplies. I never really felt like I fit in because we moved two or three times throughout middle school and high school and I always felt like my “best friends” never lasted more than a year or so. I wanted to be in the in-crowd and to feel desired and that people loved me and wanted me to be around. This could have possibly started in the home because my parents both worked so hard to provide that they were not home and I felt like I always wanted to be loved by them. We did not have the same love languages and we still don’t but it’s something that I currently work on. Then there was the desire in school to have a huge group of friends but no one ever seemed to stick around for long. Even in church, I wanted to fit in and to know that I had a community to call my own. I do know and have gained so much self-worth and self-esteem because I discovered that God loves me and gave everything for me.
Looking back now, I believe that God was protecting me and truly teaching me that He was the only one that can accept me. Now I love that I know He loves me. He accepts me for me: all flaws, hang-ups, mistakes, quirks… every single little and big thing in my life.
“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” (Psalm 139:14) He know every part of me, every hair on my head, every zit or scar I may have and still loves me. He loves me more than I could ever know, He has forgiven me despite the things that I have done and will do. He loves me. He accepts me and that’s all that matters.
Romans 15:7 “Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.” (NASB)
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